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Question: Poem I wrote, what do you think!? Criticism welcome!.!?
Come as you are oh child of Elijah
Come and put your soul before the chopping block,
Society is staring you in the eye
Watching you as you start a scene,
Wheels of fire constellations spinning out of limbo,
People swearing they never saw the gun,
That took a short life to the looney bin!.
Swearing greased back hair
Sitting naked under your robes in despair,
Uncomfortable cold steel beds
For the madmen and their pimps, the clinically “sane”!.
Crying out to the stark cold night
To the stars red-headed and in full bloom,
You’re beautiful just flawed says the man in white over-coat,
Take and swallow flatten yourself out on this bed
Tests run out of wire down your back and ***
Taken out back and beaten in the winter midnight air
“Quit your whining you crazy whino!”
Oh, poor son of Abraham,
Where’s your Promised Wine now!?
Drunk already and on to the next out in the cartons and rain
Huddled and miserable!.
You have seen the madness man exhibits for the people
Behind the glass,
The doctors and their patients running back and forth between
Re-runs of the same televised program,
The old technology replaced by structure and ambition
That leaves men blind
The poor souls exposed and naked huddled in misery
Crying out false obscenities to the dark
So that they can be taken to more comfortable quarters
Where they will swear they had witnessed God
Playing the harmonium in the sterilized corner,
The looney hearted and the grateful depressed,
Sucking down pills and other bodily fluids to be pressed and marked
On their foreheads by the man in white sterilized gloves
Everything is white white white white!
Clean sterilized mad seeping in through the tight corners
Everywhere!.
Paranoid lunatics howling from behind closed doors
Contemplating depression and the fall of the sky on a field of scraps
Taken before the angels on the bridge to toss over and sink
Below the forceful current!.
Pulled in quietly and thankfully to be below the dark waves
Of the needle once again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
A gripping piece of work twisting in the darkness!.
I was able to read this without having to think it through it held me and led me all the way from the beginning to the end!.

Out of the darkness you have dragged a beautiful piece of work,
I have no criticism constructive or other wise to offer --I truly like this piece and if I had to grade it 10/10

Cheers!Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Hi!"

WOW!!!!

Well, I was seeking inspiration this morning, I think I just found it, with a little bit more!.

Extraordinary and unique piece of story for-told in a poem!.

WELL DONE!
Cheers : )Www@QuestionHome@Com

yaaa hey yaaa want to travel south this year, ahhhh whoa whoa wont prevent safe passage hereWww@QuestionHome@Com

very appealing love it keep on writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

I have to say that i found this very appealing!. Keep up the great work!. :]Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats really good well thought out it almost seems like a novelWww@QuestionHome@Com