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Question: Please Rate This Poem I Just Wrote!?
im 15 and just saw something that left me spellbound

I saw a beautiful Sunset tonight and decided to write a poem about one

If I could capture a sunset
I'd store away in my head
And play it back over and over
Many a tear would be shed

Sunsets are so beautiful
No matter where they are
A picture's worth a thousand words
And so is acoustic guitar

Guitar is music
And music is love
And love is bliss
It comes from above

Music and Sunsets go Hand-in-Hand
For Sunsets are their own kid of music
When watched from the untouched sand

By Ben B!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I can feel the emotion in your words!. It really engulfs the reader in the setting sun!.


For a 15 year old, I think that this is an exceptional poem!

I adore the first stanza!. Especially the part about shedding tears over the elegance of the sun's descent!.

In the second stanza, the first line is a little bit anemic!. "Sunsets are so beautiful"- it is straight from the heart to the point of the matter, but it sounds a little bit cliche!. You could improve upon it by changing the wording a little!. It's entirely up to you, of course!. I would change it to something else, perhaps using a synonym for 'beautiful' in its stead!. For example:

'The sun dies each day
With surpassing, sad radiance
And is born again the next
Like a distant, mythic eagle!.'

"A picture's worth a thousand words!." That is a deep sentiment, but it's overly employed in poetry!. I once wrote that "a word is worth one thousand pictures!."

also, I LOVE the acoustic guitar reference!. It adds a sonoric effect to the strength of the verse!.

The ending is also strong!. The poem is very good!. It's spectacular, in fact! The only flaw I can see is the usage of cliches!. Other than that, this poem ROCKS!!!

Please keep writing! You have talent!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's beautifully written, but I do agree!. The middle does kind of throw things off!. Just try re-wording the middle!. Make it lead into the musical section!.

"A picture's worth a thousand words, And so is an acoustic guitar!."

That is where it was thrown off!. Try taking out the guitar sentence in the quotes above, and add one more line about the sunset!.

After that, try writing a paragraph about how "music and sunsets go hand-in-hand!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think that the poem almost reads as two seperate poems!. I see toward the end you try to connect them, but it still reads as two different things to me!. I think if is about a sunset you should stick with it and maybe place one musical line in there!. It just seems near the end that it changes to a poem about music with no real transitionWww@QuestionHome@Com

On a scale of one to ten, ten being best, I would give it a seven!. The first half is very good and spoken from the soul (that part I would have given a 8 or 9)!. However, the next half is not written in the same rhythm as the rest and seems like you wrote it just to further the poem!. The analogy is genius and well thought out, but not well written!.

But remember, the critic is evil!. Opinions are not!. Rewrite the last half and it will be a 10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

quite nice cos u've tried 4 the 1st time----then 2 i'll not say if u wanna b a poet or something related to it u'll need to work more harder KEEP GOING!! I'LL RATE U 2/3 OUT OF 5----RHYMING MAKES D POEM INTERESTING----SO TRY 2 DO THATWww@QuestionHome@Com

I liked it but it was kinda weird when reading it for the first time your like why is he talking about the guitar!?! Then you connect them at the end but the last line doesnt make sense!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this poem goes in a great flow !. in each of these words i can feel the energy flowing through those words!!!. All i can say is well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com

it had rythym to me up until the acoustic guitar part!.!.!.then it seemed to lose momentumWww@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful!Www@QuestionHome@Com

7!.5 out of ten!

1=bad!!!
10=Good!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Deep thought,and cool!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

bravoWww@QuestionHome@Com

I really like itWww@QuestionHome@Com

Nice poem, you have great potential! Make sure you keep working and writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

The best among the Rest!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

you have written a good poem
please reconstruct the last paraWww@QuestionHome@Com