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Question: My friendship Poem, care to critique!?
I know, it needs a lot of work!. but, you know how sometimes when you wrote the poem, you cant quite pinpoint what is wrong with it/how to fix it!? well, id very much appreciate your help =)
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Dancing in the rain
Or spies in her shower
We sure could entertain
And we still have that power
We’re connected at the ear
Connected at the mind
Our friendship is sincere
We’re kind of entwined
We’ve been through some trials
They’ve been thick and thin
But we came out with smiles
And closer within
We talk about boys
And life, school, God
We can make a lot of noise
We’re actually pretty odd
We sure can’t dance
But she can sing
When I get the chance
I tell her everything
I share with her my soul
And she does the same
There’s not even a toll
No silly liar’s game
We totally “get” each other
And it’s weird – out connection
She understands my crazy logics
With no further inspection
We have some fun codes
About anything you think of
We’ve been on life’s roadWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
im no expert on poetry, but i think this is a good start!. it needs some work, but im not the person too ask to correct it!. maybe some poetry expert could point out what needs work =)

Star for the effortWww@QuestionHome@Com

I have only read the beginning!. I think that instead of saying "we're connected at the ear" you should say we're connected at ear!. 2nd Line= And connected at mind, instead of saying "Connected at the mind"!. When you take out the word "the", it sounds more like you and your friend are one!. From the little I have read, I would say this poem has potential to be very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

woot woot!!Www@QuestionHome@Com