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Question: Opinions on this poem!?
Letter from another world
The coffee’s in my hand,
As I twirl my pen!.
The steam caressing my face,
My mind wandering exotic places!.
This new world ive discovered,
Its hot, sickly sweet, intoxicating!.
Indulgence,
In this world of mine its so much its sinful!.
And aches are delicious,
Welcome, blissful, cleansing!.
And love doesn’t mean trust,
Or wanting,
Just understanding!.
So I’m trying to make you understand,
With these words by my own hand!.
If you did I wouldn’t need riddles
Codes, and lies,
To make you find my reality!.
But you wont,
Remember us!?
That was real wasn’t it!?
Well I’m still here,
Still waiting,
For you to understand,
And find this brave, new world!.
I’ve left this world ,
But im still alive,
In one of my own,
Where four words make four pages,
And one moment can be a lifetime!.
So crack the codes,
Come find me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The same thing occurred to me!. I thought, "She must have great manual dexterity!" And then I figured out that you could do one thing with one hand and the other thing with the other hand!. This took less than two seconds to process, but that was two seconds of being distracted!. So fore-go journalistic exactitude for the sake of the poem!. When I reread it I could find no way that this supported the purpose of the poem!.
There were other distractions also!. "ive" should be "I've!." For another instant I was taken away from the poem to figure out if there shold have been another letter, a g or an l, before it!. Then there's "its" which is the possessive of "it," and "it's" which is a contraction of "it is!." Another mini-second away from the poem!. I wondered if these deviations from standard English were "codes" and "riddles," but I think not!.
Why am I talking about such picayune, chickenshit mistakes!? Because it's a good poem, a really good poem!. It engaged my interest, kept me guessing, and was pleasing to the ear!. But all those distractions weaken the impact, your not helping your case!. I realize that poets with your natural talent can open the creative tap and the words just come pouring out!. Don't stop that flow, keep it coming!. But then polish it up!.
So, are you going to tell me what the four words are!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
First two stanzas had me, then lost rhythm
Must give the reader a line to follow
This is YOU speaking, forget riddle, lies and codes!. Lay yourself bare!. That is why poetry lives!.!!!!
Never stop Writing, You are better skilled than I!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Niccee
It uses good imagery!.
I was able to paint a picture in my head!.
I'd love to put it in my Blog if you don't mine!.
email me your name!.!.So I don't plagerize =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
i really lyk it!. its like i am a part of it!.its really good did u write this !.if i could rate this poem i would give it a straight up 10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Is it possble to hold coffee in one's hand and twirl a pen at the same time!?Www@QuestionHome@Com