Position:Home>Poetry> Another poem for you to judge!?
Question: Another poem for you to judge!!?
I am sickened with the sound
ratteling my head like an oil tanker run aground
this dark sticky slime
smuthers my range of thought
Ill make my nerves taught
and Ill never get caught
for a crime!.!.!.
a crime of logical and theoretical ryhme play
catch what I say in a distorted 3 dimensional sort of way
but only for an instant
I compare you to a simple new born baby infant
your smiling at what you hear
but you dont feel the depth
I spill out vocals at you so fast
you think Ill never catch my breath
you may think!.!.!.
but I do
see that the the difference between me and you
I stand just this side of psychosis
an art form far beyond most of us!.!.!.
Its a bit odd!.!.!. even agressive!. What are your thoughts on how I could improve my style!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
poets are madmen!.!.!. they see sanity as an affliction!. Good Job! not agressive!.!. fierce!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't find it odd!. I find it interesting and like you said aggressive, but in a good way!
The use of words really brings out the meaning of the poem!. The words you use actually give it more feeling, like the words "depth" and "infant!." I very much like those words!.
It is a really great poem, and I love it!.
Tell me if you write anymore, because I will definitely be here to read it, make comments, and enjoy it a whole lot!!!!!!
Keep up the poems you write, and have fun while you do it!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
No improvement needed, it is great as is! It catches and holds the readers attention from the first line!. The little psychosis at the end is great!. I wouldn't change a thing!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love it!Www@QuestionHome@Com