What can I do you think of this poem and how can I improve it?

Question: What can I do you think of this poem and how can I improve it!?

Her eyes are like glassy sky
glowing
And her hair is wild silk
With a kiss like wet
sweet honey
When our lips touch

Any specific constructive criticism would help (please don't say "I like it" or "I don't like it" or anything vague without explaining why)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

How about something like this

Her eyes are like glassy sky
glowing
Like her hair of wild silk
flowing
When are lips touch wet kiss
honey-tasting

etc!.!.!. I like the visual style of the long line followed by the shorter one!. The description, then the subliminal images; glowing, flowing, tasting, etc!. I like your style, very sensual!. So with this in mind, feel the senses; how do they taste, sound, feel!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, a thesaurus is a useful tool!. If you're not happy with it, then experiment by making it more abstract; I see you've already made some abstract details, so you've done well there!.

Furthermore, I find the last line a little redundant; you have already mentioned the kiss, so of course the touching of your lips is already assumed!. You could change that last line and use it for something else entirely, like a better finish!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com