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Question: Poet critiques welcomed and honest response!.!?
Would like an honest response, especially from those whom are advanced in poetry!.
Tittle: Mother Earth Our Garden of Eden!. By Tia Metcher
It’s time to change our evil ways,
Before the extinction, of our race,
For piece and tranquility,
To end all hostility,
To replace fossil fuels with solar energy,
Pollution, Carbon Dioxide and volcanic eruptions,
Fills the earths atmosphere and our oceans,
Poverty, Disease and Nuclear explosions,
Fills the earths; great proportions!.
By demolishing habitats surrounding our Nations,
Is increasing the extinction rate of species, by Thousands,
My question is this:
Why are we killing ourselves and polluting our oceans!?
If we are the intelligent species among all living mammals,
Than why are we exchanging biological diversity for Affluent state of prosperity!?
It’s a disgrace to the human race
To destroy such a beautiful place,
Gods Garden of Eden which, was once known,
Know crumbling away, corroding, like the great Egyptian sphinx,
Soon nothing left but the pebbles once lift!.
God’s tears, quickly drying,
Though his emotions are arising,
And pretty soon his tears will fall on every state,
Refilling the oceans and dry lakes,
Reclaiming Mother Earth our Garden of Eden, back, to its original state,
Reducing the salinity,
And retaining its purity
Bring back its beauty that’s now lost!.
It is really quite a crying shame,
With really only us to blame,
For all of mother earth’s seism pain,
Why can not Eden be found!?
As it’s probably some husky, corroded ground,
With no Trees,
No seas,
No bumbling bees and certainly no other form of living species!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like the last stanza-- very nice imagery!. The work as a whole doesn't do much for me though!. It's a little too generic, and I don't really go for the God stuff!.
I would think about cutting the second stanza!. The mention of poverty & nuclear war seems out of place in a piece that is otherwise strictly about environmental degradation & pollution (not that poverty isn't a factor in the pollution issue!.!.!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY BUT THIS POEM IS GOOD!!!! I agree with you about Global warming! You're right about the poor earth being destroyed slowly!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is a little to literal for me, I would use metaphors!. Please look at mine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very nice!. I didn't get the ending ,but that makes it an even better poem if it has hidden meaning!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's ok!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I didn't feel like reading all of it!.!.!. But the beginning was good! <3Www@QuestionHome@Com
okay
1) you spelled "peace" wrong
2) try "an end to hostility"
3) volcanic eruptions are antural, not a man-made thing!.
4) try "fills our atmosphere and oceans"
5) "fill the Earth; in great proportions"
6) "demolishing habitats surrounding our nations;
increases extinction of specias by the thousands"
7) "My question for you are:"
8) "Why are we polluting the oceans, killing ourselves & animals!?"
9) try making the sentence after that into two sentences, so they are rhyming couplets!?
10) this is supposed to be negative, don't say that God's tears are gonna make things better 'cuz they won't
I'm only fourteen and i hate poetry so take what i say w/ a grain of salt!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's way too political and not poetic!. It seems like you are trying to advocate an environmentalist agenda rather than write a poem!. By the way carbon dioxide is natural, it doesn't destroy the Earth!.
also, I don't think you have a right to speak for God in your poem by portraying supposed emotions!. It's also quite contradictory, since you add another deity, Mother Earth!. also, nature is not the Garden of Eden!. Read Genesis to find out what it really is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com