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Question: Do you like my poem!? please read:)!?
Untitled
Eyes squeezed tight
Scared to face reality
Hiding and hoping
Maybe if I disappear long enough your memory will fade!?
Memories of the promises I made to you
But, cannot keep!.
If I let you in
It will give me high hopes
Only to watch them fall soon after
I can’t let that happen
I am afraid I wont have the strength to get up
Maybe next time ill keep my lips pursed!?
Avoid making promises I can’t possibly keep
Save myself from the trouble of hiding
And finally learn to let go
Let go of the past, and accept the present
-N!.M!.
Do you think i should take out the last line!? If you have any tips or advice it would be greatly appreciated!.
please let me know what you see when you read it!. thanks:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Yes I would take out the last verse, the ending
and finally learn to let go ---is nice, and feel you don't need the last verse, just my opinion!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is interesting!. It grabbed my attention and made me wonder what had happened!. My only problem with it is that as a reader, I feel a little cheated because the real action took place "off stage" and I want to know about the promise made!. But, that might be another poem!.
You do have good instincts!. The penultimate line would be a very good place to stop!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I see a girl, acting it out a bit, just little flashes, like you see in the movies when they have a flashback quickly!? but my mind makes anything i read into a movie!. but poetry should rhym, the really good ones ryhm, but subtly so you don;t notice it like you would a kiddy poem, but it makes the feel of the poem all that greater, you know!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it is very good!. I think you can either keep the last verse or take it out!. I like it best with the last verse!. To me it makes it complete!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the poem!. Looks like maybe "someone" has been hurt in a love relationship!?!?!? Suggested title: "Hurting Memories"Www@QuestionHome@Com
sounds like a person wanting to come back into an ex lovers life, never a good plan!. Great poem, though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is not bad, but this reads like prose broken up into lines!.Www@QuestionHome@Com