Position:Home>Poetry> Does the ocean make you feel a flutter?---poem?
Question: Does the ocean make you feel a flutter!?---poem!?
Walking down the early morning beach
I gaze at the horizon
It’s pink and orange rays,
Spilling over white topped waves
The sand embossed,
With stories of passing strangers
shells sprinkled in varies of patterns
Searing, sultry air
Over whelming my senses,
With envy of the oceans luxury
I long for it’s wealth in beauty
vowing my life
To its grandeur
I wrote this poem a long time ago!. I just found it and felt like sharing!. Thanks for the words!.!.!.!.!.!.!.~?*RaeRae*?~!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like!. Can you make it better!.!.!.!.yes!. Edits to consider: L6 is confusing to me!. L7 typo on various!? L9 typo on overwhelming L10: try eliminating "of" and rewrite as "with envy!.!.!.the ocean's luxury"!. (luxury to me does not flow as well, perhaps another 2 syllable word instead)!. L11: confusing in meaning to me L12 & 13: I think you are trying to say that you want to keep it pristine, etc!., to me it seemed more like willingness to die for it!? Perhaps rewording would help!. My compliments overall, spend the time in editing to make this shine the way it can!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think this poem is pretty good!. You have nice and vivid imagery, and effective diction!.
However, you do have a grammatical error(" it's" supposed to be its)!.
Plus, I do have a suggestion!. Maybe you should make the last 4 lines into another stanza!. To me, it improves the flow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am a lover of poetry!. I think your poem is really nice!. i like the part about "spilling over white topped waves", and I like your use of personification!. Good job : )Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is beautiful, I have always shared a love for the ocean!. Soon, I will be moving closer!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Beautiful!
I like the line
I long for its wealth in beauty!.
Nice job!.!.!.makes me want to hit the beach!Www@QuestionHome@Com