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Question: Please read and offer feedback!?
(about my memory loss)
As memory fades,
peice by peice
becoming your life
you wonder where it went
why are these memories so foggy!?
why are so many gone
what made them disappear
so that i now have none
as you remember tenderly, fondly
as i never will
does your life have more meaning!?
am i forever ill!?
why do i forget it all
childhood, memories slip from my grasp
there was no time to cherish them
why must i loose them so fast
even as i think of them
they start to fade away
each passing moment, another gone
until i myself start to fade!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The subject of the poem is fine, the rhymes are a little tenuous at times, inconsistent at others!.!.!.stanza one has no rhyme scheme, but stanza two is abcb, as is stanza three!.!.!.stanza four is abcb but in slant rhyme, and stanza five has slant rhyme again!.!.!.and even that is marginal!. The all lower case form, except the capital "A" at the beginning of the first line, is distracting, as are the spelling errors (e!.g!. "peice" instead of "piece")!.!.!.the lower case "i" is needless!.!.!.it's "I"!.!.!.and there is no reason to "not" capitalize it!.
Most of the errors are easy to edit, the word choices are not too difficult to correct, and over all it's not a bad first draft!.
!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
u've tried to make it nostalgic!. but this is not exactly how poems are written!. like that line am i forever ill!? anduntill i myself start to fade!. there are no images in your poem!. how about equating memory with leaves faling of a branch n leavin it bare!? the word foggy has become a cliche!. try to invent your own imagery!. perhaps u would like to read some psychology to kno why memories fade!. i would write a poem on memory like this!. as memory falls off my branches
leaving my skin bare
a good try!. keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com