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Position:Home>Poetry> A poem I just revised/added to. What do you all think? I named it, "Dizzy A


Question: A poem I just revised/added to!. What do you all think!? I named it, "Dizzy Atmoshere"!. Criticism welcome!.
Do you understand howling exclamations
of joy,
the sorrowful wails of the living skeletons
who fade away from neglect
the angry mad screams unheard in the public
eye,
the man who sits up after years of being
immobile
and raving to the black night in high unawareness,
feeling up his nurse in the dead hours of the
new Dawn!.
And the hipsters who tell tales of the good
dying days,
of driving into the city worked up in a frenzy
after a night of riding and speed
hearts racing in a Dizzy Atmosphere!.
And the women who dance and crash
drunkenly into the post-American boom,
where the corporate monster sits idly
twiddling his metallic thumbs in corporate
satisfaction,
laughing in his chrome heart about the man
who is of flesh and blood,
and the direct descendant of Adam!.
Have you seen the Be-Bop revivalists
that speed away into the night,
sweating and pouring and oozing Jazz
in dark rocky cool smoky lush happenings,
speaking of Joy,
and less incriminating things!.
And the intellectuals
who twist and writhe in social liberation
who sit in their corners obsessed with sex
and Jazz,
writing of quick fixes to quench the heat
of that next compulsive fit!.
Boasting of long ago sexual conquests
over men and women,
and seeking a higher existence through
pills and liquor,
jumped off rooftops and bridges
hoping to fly!.
Who surround themselves with the laws
of Heaven and Hell
working off the scraps thrown to them by
society
and praying to Jesus and Allah for a quick
track home!.
Who have seen horrors lurking in the dark corners of Arizona,
and the lush schizophrenic bait of the East coast,
bopping and tweaking to nameless musical
sensations whilst traveling
under the white breast of the Moon,
and pointing softly reverently at the forest fires in the South of California,
mouthing the words,
"Oh what a little spark that arson man must have,
dashing into these barren wastelands,
lighting and raping poor America,
playing God!.”Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Honestly I thought the beginning had way to many descriptives, but the middle, and end really got me, rough cut- but nice, thought- provoking!.
also, unlike most poems posted on the net- this wasn't about some dumb girl/boy!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

uuh!.!.!.


very!.!.!. creative!.!.!.yeah!.

haha, seriously!.!."feeling up his nurse"!.!.
!?

wowee!.

but you have guts!. to write what you're really thinking!.!.

(i didn't read all of it!.!.!.i don't have the time) ;]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Little long, but I liked it!. (:Www@QuestionHome@Com

its okWww@QuestionHome@Com