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Question: PentBomb 911 poem!. Honest response and critiques welcomed!.!?
I am an amateur poet!. I would like an honest opinion on wether I should or not publish this poem in my book of poems which I will publish once I have completed 101 poems, as people may find this poem offensive!.This poem was designed, to be somewhat educational to future generations reflecting back at 9/11!. Numbers in brackets are reference numbers to the four hijacked planes!.Please give advise on structure, layout of this poem for those advanced in poetry!.As I am not good at editing and structuring poetry!.Thankyou!.P!.S!. please do not copy/steel this poem!.

Pentbomb 911

Crash test dummies pilot,
Birds fueled by fire,
Word cryptic (Alqaeda),

Black crows sing songs of winter,
Sad songs, as a symphony,
In sympathy, of fallen soldiers,

Flames of hell burn within,
They call upon god to rescue them,

Life evaporated, like a smoke mist haze,
Sawdust hits the paves,
Splashed with red paint and humpty dumpties remains,
Scattered across the streets of New York,
News Reports,
16,000 escaped the dross,
24 accounted lost,
2,974 deceased,
Raol Wallenberg search, only handful recrudesced,

Extinguish flame, month’s long pain,
Buildings crumble, dross heap rubble,

Inhumane acts of slaughter,
Unjust by mooncalf soldiers,
Raised by the hands of Lucifer,
Black tar thickens as birds continue weeping,
Singing songs of winter,

Neon light lit, at the empty street, (WTC)
Where American heroes lay, Eternal blue flame,
In memory of (Reflected Absences), (175) (11) Crescent of embrace), (93) (77)
Touching the heavens for Gods embrace,

People morn, of loved ones gone,
Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, Cousins, Uncle and Aunts
For the next generations to come, Explaining where their loved ones,

Feather dust the memories of time,
Unwind in reminiscent of life existence,
God’s creation detonated and stolen of life,
This is an endless fight, we can overwrite,

For those of (Alqaeda),

God creates life, not takes life,

If Africa’s the nation that reigns lands,
You may find God has changed hands,
Due to hostility, no sense of tranquility,
Poverty, lack of shepherdess and prosperities,

Search continues on, buildings now gone,
They have the brawn to carry on,
American spirit is STRONG!.

In memory of American Heroes!.

For those who died without a name, reflection, nor D!.N!.A,
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
Cremated on the land, once touched!.

R!.I!.P
May God bless thee…!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
6th line: In sympathy,of fallen soldiers!.
Looks wrong!. Is confusing!. In sympathy for the Alqueida soldiers!? or what!?
I would go with:
in sympathy, for the innocence lost!.
or innocents
Line 48: nor shadow cast!.
nor D!.N!.A is to technical!. Yes the DNA exists, and still does!.
So that line is false!.
And yes, they had names, they are read every year!.
Other than that, is great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You are asking people to tell you how to do YOUR art!.!.!.
It's yours!. Make it how you want it, and do not let imaginary boundaries constrain your ideas!.

That being said, I like your poem!. I like the message, and I like the way that it is structured now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com