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Question: Poetry critique: the amiable masquerade!?
my bleeding heart
the pain just wont relent
it keeps coming back again
until i find the time to vent
so this is where it stops
this is where it will end
cuts and gashes deeper than my sins
made by the blade of a friend


what a friend i have in darkness
chiding me with the glory of its murkiness
follow me into the hell that i own
im just a rolling stone
nomadic, i have no home
when can i stop this game of sherades!?
im tired of wearing a shroud in this vibrant masquerade
i wish to live
yearning to give
my reception to my own madness
has led me to resolve in this unfathomable chasm
and dwindle down the ropes of time
ending all life but mine
as i am the lord of the night
made from the trenches of the benign
the violent opposition of light
the alteration of the altruistic and kind
so this is where it starts
this is where it begins
temptation is moving in
drawn to the flames of a moth
craving the sentimentality found in the softness of a rock
i want what can never be
i want to make caliginosity apart of me
but whenever i get the chance
it slips gracefully through my trembling hands
a dream that i can't grasp
now just a memory in the past
that may never last
so i float back down to earth
awaiting my still birth
to the cavity in my heart
fire surging through my veins
purging what i had not the strength to tame
it's time for a change
greatness i will claim
bathe it in my name
i will never be the sameWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The journey in stanza two is deep and ever changing - amazing!.
Well done!.

Fantastic lines!
purging what i had not the strength to tame
craving the sentimentality found in the softness of a rock

Little edit:
I want to make caliginosity apart of me <--- apart spelled this way is to put something away from you!. To make darkness and obscurity part of you you need to use "a part"
However, you follow that line with this:
but whenever i get the chance
it slips gracefully through my trembling hands
~ so perhaps the fact that you cannot make it a part of you is the reason you used apart in the first place!.
Intriguing ~~ one that makes the reader think!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

first verse was beautiful but seriously the second was too long!.restructure verse two and i believe two verse would emerge from it!.a little editing would be good too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

First stanza; loved it - second stanza is just too long/
this could be excellent, you just need to edit and restructureWww@QuestionHome@Com