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Question: Part 6!. What is next for Striker and the Pup!?
The Naming
Striker very soon realizes,
This wolf Pup is a Mage!.
The thousand-year werewolf
With wisdom beyond his age!.
Striker thinks it befitting
To give this Pup a name!.
He needs on to fit his title,
One he can say without shame!.
So they choose the name Veles,
God of magic and wealth!.
Veles is now bound to him,
Whether sick or in good health!.
This strange power is known as Bondage,
A power to the werewolves unknown!.
For now they are under his protection
And safety seeds are sown!.
But how long can this fragile peace last
Before it is shattered like glass!?
When does their luck run out!?
When does their safety pass!?
For now they head to Wolfhaven,
The last refuge of their kind!.
From there they must travel to Wolflympus,
And old werewolf gods must find!.
They do this to keep the peace,
Restoring stability at last!.
Striker knows he must accompany Veles,
But time is running fast!.
I know, Wolflympus is cheesy, but I couldn't think of a name!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi! I like this series of poems!. I have read all six this afternoon, as a series it keeps one in a state of anxiousness for the next stage/progression!. The last part is the weakest for me, but there are weak links within the text;
P1: "!.!.!.!.!.!.!.From running through the brambles!.
He had to hurry, so hurry he did;
This was not the time for ambles!.!.!.!.!.!.< I found this too childlike, it seemed rushed and not thought of anything more than rhyme>
"Striker creeps up from behind,
Aiming for the preacher
Just as he finishes his prayer,
“Rid us of this abominable creature,”
He feels the familiar anger bubble
Like lava on the erupt!.
He know the real reason they chase him;
He caught the preacher in dealings corrupt!.
He knows he cannot hold it down,
And soon he will have to pounce!.
He knows if he were at full strength
This battle would be but a trounce!.
But then he feels the pull,
That inexorable pull down!.
He futilely fights it,
Knowing that in stone he will drown!.
In a desperate attempt he calls upon Nyx,
The embodiment of the night,
He has only but one request:
To have the strength for one last fight" < I like this entire section!. It is more fantasy and produces great imagery>
"!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.But Striker can catch up!.
He turns on a paw to leave
When he hears the whining of a Pup!.!.!.!.!." < I am not sure about the word Pup, it lessens the dark imagery>
"!.!.He realizes too late she is a witch of the Coven
And has been brought under her vice!." < these lines are too much of a mouthful>
"!.!.!.!.And sees they are neck and neck!. Any hope of beating her
Is receding to a speck!.!.!.!.!.!." < this line feels forced for the sake of rhyme>
"And still the Pup is gamboling;!.!.!.!." < Is this a spelling mistake !?>
All I can say about the last poem is that it is not upto scratch with any of the others, it feels like you are struggling with the story while trying to write!. I believe though that this is very very good, it just needs polishing, when you have done that it is well worth publishing!. I would definately change Pup for something with a bit more bite!. It feels like watching a werewolf movie, with interupted images of childrens books!. Keep it dark it adds to the picture and the music which define the overall work!.
I wuuld love to read more, you have talent, I have never seen a poem in such a way b4!. Good story, good imagery, good poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
!. !. !. *blinks several times and reads over again*!. !. !. WOW!
You know what, I'm NOT going to say "that was wonderful and awesome and totally cool and I loved it and how on earth could you write something so totally awesome" like normal, I'm just going to say!. !. !. WOW!!.
lol, I cant think of anything else to say!. Are you going to write more on this!? I haven't read the first 5 parts but I would love to! Please let me know when you are gonna write another!! Its very interesting!!=)Www@QuestionHome@Com