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Position:Home>Poetry> Please comment on my poem and critique it?Question: Please comment on my poem and critique it!? Please comment on my poem and critique it if you must!. also post your thoughts on what you think it is about!.
The Trench fill with corpses The Stench of Corp C fills the air What is the Holy crusade about this time!? Is it going to last a decade!? Are they going to invade!? How’s this Unholy crusade sublime!? Will we need foreign aid!? Will we need to evade!? Is there Navel blockade working!? Will we need the blade for this one!? Is there going to be a parade later!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Eh, I think the message is alright, but the writing style just doesn't sound very mature!. And in the last few sentences, you don't put the rhyming words at the end of the sentence, that just doesn't work!. also, I find naming the crusade Holy and then Unholy a little inconsistent, and if you did that on purpose try to make it a little clearer!. I guess this could be about Iraq!.!.!. then the naval stuff wouldn't make much sense!. It seems a little random, you switch the direction so many times I can't quite garner you're view!. Keep working on it though, and only change things that YOU think need changing!. This is my opinion, but one's poem should be their feelings!. I'm sure Edgar Allen Poe didn't consult his girlfriend too often!.Www@QuestionHome@Com A line for shock value The stench of lines too long to scan fills the air Will they know I am bashing George Bush!? Shall I rhyme or sit on my tush!? One last poetic push How is my cheap shot sublime!? Make it like lemonade*!? Rhymes to help evade!? A hand grenade in my Naval misspelled!? We won't need the blade for this one!? It's already a poem that's DOA'd * The line was a lemon, I made lemonadeWww@QuestionHome@Com You have some grammatical errors!. It seems sort of random most of the time!. It seems like WWI, since you use trenches, but if it is so, you cannot rightly compare it to a crusade because the causes of WWI were mostly based on imperialism and self-defence!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Well, obviously its about sum war!.!.!.sumthing!.!.!.I don't know, I don't get it!. Why are you writing like this!? Why are writing so that I don't get it!?Www@QuestionHome@Com You bring into rememberance of Armageddon!.Www@QuestionHome@Com WWII!? Other than that, no idea!. It is a bit !.!.!.scattered, but elusive, and there may be too much punctuation for your purpose!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |