Opinion On This Poem???

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Question:

This is a poem I wrote!. It's more metaphorical and symbolic than literal!. I like it, but I feel it's missing something!. What improvements do you think could be made!? Honest opinions only please!. Here it is:

A storm is coming, coming fast, but I’m yet to feel the rain!.
I try to run, to flee and hide, but all attempts in vain!.

The thunder claps, the lightning booms, the night transcends to day!.
The storm continues, raging on, it’s headed now my way!.

I turn and run, pumping hard, but it’s catching up to me!.
There’s no escape, I can not run, I finally come to see!.

I stop and squeeze my eyes shut tight, as the sky turns black from gray!.
The rain pounds harder, the wind shrieks louder, it’s pulling me away!.

I try to fight, to hold my ground, but I’m can’t keep up my grip!.
I feel myself collapsing, and giving in to it!.

Shall I let go and end it now, or keep fighting one more day!?
Life’s a storm out to tear me down, but I am here to stay!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Hey! You answered my question!
I'm in the seventh grade too!.

I really like it! I find it a lot better than my writing!.

The sentence "It's headed now my way" feels a little funny, but that's just my opinion!.
"I feel myself collapsing, and giving in to it!." sounds wrong compared to the other great, flowing lines!.
"But I’m can’t keep up my grip!." looks like it should be "But I can't keep my grip!." It makes more sense that way!.

Anyway, you're a great writer, and I'd like to see more of your stuff!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's a great poem with a lot of drama, good story line and effective positive conclusion!. I really like the rhythm!. The only place where it is out of "phase" is in the fist line or the second stanza where "pumping hard" just doesn't fit in rhythmwise!. There seems to be a syllable missing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it alot!.!.!.!.!.u r a fantastic writer!.!.!.haha all of my poems are really childish!.!.!.but this on is developed!. : ) i think that the part where it say i can't keep up my grip should be i can't keep my grip!.!.!.it rolls better off of the toung!.!.!.but besides that it is AWSOME! : ) great job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I would not change it, for if you changed it you would take away what is already written so well, for it is a excellent poem
well done
God blessWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's better than most here but thats not really a complement since all that are posted here aren't exactly up to par!. You actually were better than average here but it is rather mediocre!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW I really liked it has much description and you can feel what your feeling as your trying to compare life to a hurricane!Www@QuestionHome@Com