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Question: What is bad about this sonnet!? What is good!?
This is a sonnet about money!. I wrote it because there lately appears to be much `demand' for this topic!. I would be grateful for your opinions and thoughts!.
If these rich sighs could rock the stony air,
Their feet upon an avalanche of puffs
Would mulishly unlock thy golden hair,
And change for silk these cobwebbèd handcuffs!.
As ?gypt's solitary fortresses
With sleeves unweaving in the winds of old,
Frame hyaline and wind draped terraces,
Would Graces' airs unfurl thy harp of gold:
Thus through the base locks of this dungeon hoard,
Would, unfossiled, flowing honey towers
From silver pits of fog-chased wolds accord,
Raising suns to turn the stepping flowers!.
But alack, this steeled silver, fretful glove
Dams locked the mouth that would salute my love!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It doesn't touch my soul, so I am not particularly drawn into it!. Doesn't mean it's good or bad, it's just not for me!.
This line seems out of synch:
And change for silk these cobwebbèd handcuffs!.
sleeves unweaving!?!? I don't know what you mean!.
With sleeves unweaving in the winds of old,Www@QuestionHome@Com
To begin with!.!.!.It is structurally sound!. rhyme, meter, and form are great and I really like your use of language!. However, I'm going to have to read it several times over to get the meaning!. I'm usually pretty good when it comes to deciphering even the most obscure poetry, but I am having trouble following this one!. I will have to read it a few more times before deciding on content!. Anyhow, good is in the form and devices!. also, beautiful vocabulary!. Bad, which I wouldn't necessarily call bad, is in ease of following and understanding the poem!. It's probably just me!.
the jury is still out on cobwebb'ed too ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Too good
makes mine look silly!.
Stony Air!?
Is it Mushroom season again in Shepton Mallett!.Www@QuestionHome@Com