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Question: Do u understand my poem !?
Wealth
Perpetual raindrops from the sky,
Slowly floods the surface ground!.
Blooming green apples in July,
Dangles merrily all around
IF,
If money replaced, the fast falling rain
What a delight it will be, to shower with cash
To see them fall down, without going insane
You might as well, plan a bigger stash
IF,
If money replaced, the apple bearing tree,
What a delight it will be, to feed my hungry Piggy bank!.
To see Mr!. Piggy full, in such a lasting glee
You might as well, plan a luxurious feast to crank
Next time if I’m gone, and if thou are told
Tell them I am yonder down the green clover hill
In search for a rainbow, with the biggest pot of gold
Hence,
I have a tough goal I plan ahead, to be realistically fulfilledWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Yes, I understand your poem!. Suggestions to improve it!? That's a more difficult question!.!.!.I'd start by dropping the interposed "IF" between the first few stanzas!.!.!.then I'd suggest you even out your line beats, because they grow with every stanza!.!.!.then I'd tell you to watch out for contrived rhymes, such as using "crank" to rhyme with "Piggy bank"!.!.!.and avoid "yonder" and "thou" because they don't fit the voice of the poem and are anachronistic terms that stand out like sore thumbs!.!.!.then I'd tell you to have someone read this to you out loud so you can hear what you've written, not what you think you've written!. You see, the brain plays tricks on you, and I don't mean "just you", I mean "every" poet!.!.!.it fills in gaps, it shortens lines, it forces phrases that might otherwise stall out!.!.!.but when you have someone read your poem to you, you'll notice which lines simply don't work (painfully so at times, trust me)!.!.!.Finally, your last stanza needs lots of work!. You start out stating that you are almost gone, or at least preparing the reader for that eventuality, then you finish by saying you have a tough goal but you will fulfill it realistically!.!.!.nope, I'm not buying it!.!.!.you need to rewrite it!.!.!.and you can do it!. Just make sure the stanza agrees with itself!.!.!.don't change directions in the middle!.
This is not a bad first draft, you just need to work on it!. Keep what I said in mind, and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
Money will never taste like a green apple, every thing is in its place!. money by itself is uselessWww@QuestionHome@Com