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Question: Is this a bad "poem!."!?
You think you know,
But you don't know
What you see is not the real me
It's a disguise I use to to hide my leagues,
In fear of a siege,
Or a realization,
In my station,
Of a witches curse,
Only much worse,
There is no cure,
No backdoor,
On this straight track going
Through Limbo,
Not made thorough,
I'm unsorted and Contorted,
In my mind, Trying to find the key,
So I can fly Free,
Until that day,
The truth will lay hidden and unclaimed,
Without being stirred,
Down in a hole
As dark as cole
Waiting for a spark,
To light the dark!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I don't sugar coat anything for anyone when it comes to writing, just to forewarn you!. So don't feel like I'm picking on you!.
It's!.!.!.okay!. Mediocre, but on the good side!. I've seen too many of these kinds of poems out there, but I've also seen worse!. If it's not suicidal and emo, it's "you don't know me, but I'll be free someday" and that just gets a bit repetitive for me, personally!.
I can understand your rhyming scheme, which is fine for the most part (parts aren't even close to rhyming and some aren't even paired with anything, but at random times), but your rhythm is definitely off!. There's no reason to it, and that makes it a bit hard to follow the flow!. also, make sure your spelling is correct (coal instead of cole) and don't capitalize specific words when it doesn't call for it (Contorted, Free, Trying)!. Last but not least, it's wordy!. The best poets can say a lot using fewer words!. Try putting what you are trying to describe in better words, or describe it instead of telling us!. That will help to deepen the meaning and strengthen the poem entirely!.
It's not bad!. You're just starting out!. Everyone has to start somewhere, and you'll have to keep writing in order to improve!. Good luck, and keep on writing!
EDIT:
No offense to pinkdiva103, but seeing that she brought up poetry!.com, I felt the need to warn you both and anyone else that reads this!. Do NOT bother with poetry!.com! These "winnings" are childish scams they put out there!. I received the same "award" but here's the scoop: you end up having to pay in order to go to the events, you have to pay for your trophy, and you have to pay for your poem to be put in a book with other suckers who also paid!. They really don't look for too much in their poems (just a basically okay poem with few spelling errors), and they make you feel special!. And really, would you trust a group who makes you pay for your own award!? No!. It's nice to see other poems, but most of the quality that's "winning" is nowhere near what's considered true winning level in the real world!. Sorry!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its a great poem and what u should do is submit urs online at poetry!.com i submitted mine in and i got to be a semi finalist and the results are next month i think u can still submit it in and then they publish it in a huge book and u get a page to urself with ur poem in it and u never know u might even win 10,000 dollars or 1000 or 104 other gift and prizes! im waiting for the results next month but u can still submit it in go to poetry!.com and on the top click on the tab that says free contests and then click on free poetry contest i bet u will win with such a good poem !!! give it a try!!! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I hate almost everything people submit and I like yours!. I guess that means it's bad poetry!. Only kidding!. I think it's great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
!.!.!. a BAD poem!? That sounds like a beautiful poem, to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Too forced!.!.!.!. it feels like you TRIED to write it, rather than the pen flowing!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its pretty good i like the rhyming althou there parts were i get confusedWww@QuestionHome@Com
Your poem is wonderful!. Keep on writting them!Www@QuestionHome@Com
no its cool!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You need to edit useless words!. Let me rewrite and show you!. Its good otherwise!. You also don't need to rhyme consistently like a beat for it to be considered a poem!. Hence haiku's and other things!.
You think you know, but you don't, what you see is not me!. Its a disguise I use to hide my leagues, in fear of a siege, or realization!. In my station of a witches curse on much worse, there is not cure, no backdoor, on this straight track through limbo!. Not made thorough, I'm unsorted and contorted, in my mind, trying to find the key so I can flee!. Until that day the truth will lay hidden and unclaimed without being stirred down a hole as dark as coal waiting for its spark to light the dark!.Www@QuestionHome@Com