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Position:Home>Poetry> Another little poem, true opinion please, i wont mind.?Question: Another little poem, true opinion please, i wont mind!.!? The letters are burnt
The conversations have deceased The pictures, The memories, Have all extinguised Yet the most important Still remains Will always remain The feelings will not descend They're stuck to me Like Glue is to paper They're drowning me in a sea of intolerance And with my lost hopeful eyes A rescue Is what i await!.!.!. Your presense is what i need Your love is what i longWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I like the way you have out it together! The use of " the " is overwhelming you could cut a few out! Other than that,, it's a lovely poem!! Did you do it yourself!?!?!? Really can feel the passion! Hope this helps xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com A bit ponderous and an odd choice of words!. as:- deceased conversations and extinguished memories!. Or did the burning letters set fire to something causing a death and needing the fire brigade!? Sorry, but that's what the opening lines made me think!. You sound very young, don't be put off!. Learn to spell too,Www@QuestionHome@Com sorry don't like it!. to be constructive - you're not saying anything new with any originality!. it is disjointed - it doesn't flow, maybe you should look into the way you have broken up the sentences - the use of capitals at the beginning of each!. full of cliches!. where are the feelings descending from - and too!? sounds too adolescent and hopeless - which is fine, but lacks the subtlety to carry it off!. sorry - i know it's hard listening and accepting criticism!. remember that poetry is an individual thing!.!.!. good luck1Www@QuestionHome@Com It was a slight bit loose!. Any form of writing needs to be tight!. I do the same thing sometimes!. Don't feel bad you've got a good start for a great poem!. If you are young as someone suggested then that gives you even more wiggle room because you have only begun a long love affair with writing!. good luck and keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I actually quite like the (perhaps excessive) repitition - I think it adds a great effect to your poem!. It's very emotional!. I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com strong words very emotional great lyrics but remember your poetic techniques alot of metaphores in the work =b P!.S love the last stanzaWww@QuestionHome@Com wow, that's really deep!. i love it! you really captured the emotion and set it to paper smoothly!. ciaoWww@QuestionHome@Com Some gramatical needs!. But your feelings doesn`t needs that!? I like it!. BYE-BYEWww@QuestionHome@Com OMG>>>>i love itWww@QuestionHome@Com |