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Question: Serious Comments on a Poem!?
Everything around me is so dim
I ’m scared of facing what lies within!.
Tomorrow seems to be so pointless
Life inside me seems to hide!.
The world I live in is only the mask
That blinds my eyes from truth
The truth that seems to be so bleak
Never the less the truth is what can set you free!.
Free from what, a life with a mask
Comfort, peace, seclusion
Qualities the mask can offer for some,
For me it brings emptiness!.
The light can shine so bright for many
But everything around is so dim…Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is good!. This one line throws off the meter and the reading
Never the less the truth is what can set you free!.
(Nevertheless <-- one of the words to be composed of three)
You need to edit it to get the meter to 7-9 beats to match the rest of the poem!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's a bit too, well, emotional!. Try not to use "the truth is what can set you free"!. It's such a commonplace expression that it does not offer anything to a poem!. Maybe try phrasing this poem without focusing on the narrator's own feelings of emptiness or at least make it more subtle!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Amazing, I honestly loved it
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If you wrote this, keep it up!. AMAZING TALENT!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
yes it is a very deep poem which tells us bit about you its writer!. Light can get brighter and life can be better, Its a very good poem
God blessWww@QuestionHome@Com
Seems a little teen angsty to me =\Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's deep!.
I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it!.
(smiles for you!)Www@QuestionHome@Com
You're right on, my friend!. Your message goes to the heart of the matter!. We all wear masks, and the bad part about it is we either don't realize it or won't admit it or are simply afraid to take them off!. To be an artist, to be a good poet, I believe you have to take off the mask!. I have been trying to deal with this issue in my own life, and it's so cool to run into your poem!. The real poem is message and form!. You have the rest of your life to play around with the form, try to please your audience, write in a popular style, but you have put you finger on a vital truth in life!. Keep going!. Part of my answer to your question is right in some stuff I just wrote!. So, if you don't mind, I'll show you what I mean:
take off the mask
you’ve worn it for so long
take off the mask
may be that nobody’s home at all
you can’t even remember
who is really at home inside
and that’s ok!. start a new day
life’s a process of discovery
people will laugh at you
people will see your nakedness
people will not understand
what it is you had to do
but it’s time to come home
home beckons her faint and fiery voice
what does it matter!? what is the world!?
you have found truth and peace and restWww@QuestionHome@Com