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Question: What do you REALLY think of my poem!?
To me, it could be the best I have written, to others maybe the worst they have read!. But please, tell me the truth!. Do you like it!?
The girl and her wings
The moon is low in the sky,
The stars gaze at the earth!.
The wind sings its sweet lullaby,
As the world falls into a slumber!.
A single drop breaks the silence,
As the girl weeps,
Facing the stars,
Facing the moon!.
The girl falls,
Into a state of depression,
Into the mind-boggling universe,
She sets her wings,
And flies!.
She silences the earth,
And with a turn of the hand,
Disappears!.
Waiting to be called,
And waiting to be heard!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow, i have to say its beautiful, It draws you in if you know what i mean!. i really love the bit when you wrote "The wind sings its sweet lullaby, As the world falls into a slumber"
One thing i'd change (i know you didnt ask)- I'd change the word MIND BOGGLING, it doesnt go with the rest of the poem!. Maybe change it to ermm Chaotic!? x
Overall i love it, it is truly amazing!.
XDWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's good, but if you want to know how to make it better, i'd suggest replacing
"Into a state of depression,
Into the mind-boggling universe "
with something a little more like
"Into the consuming depths,
Depths that go beyond the stars,
echoing in her empty heart"
(if this is more like you think it should be, by all means use it)
I think the literal terminology of "a state of depression" is too obvious and breaks the feeling that the beggining of the poem has already built!. also "mind-boggling" sort of falls under that same area!.
Overall fantastic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Powerful imagery you have there!
"The girl falls,
Into a state of depression"
My english teacher always says that you Don't want to sound like you're preaching to your audience!. Remember that they are smart and give them room for interpretation!. The lines I quoted above are too explanatory!. In your beautifully abstract poem, you might want to express the feeling of depression by letting the readers imagine!. After all, that's what poems are for!.
I can say I'm depressed!. But I can also write a poem about it!. There's a difference!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
u gooog giiirll greattt job oooh yeah keep on going if u want 2 persue in poetry watever ur dream is go for it and dont let Nobody bring u down or tell u are not good enough!. thats y Miley Cyrus is one of most IMPORTANTinfluences in music yeahhhhh milleyy rooooockkkkkkks!!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is beautiful!.
The only thing that could improve it at all is complexion and an abstract theme, to keep us here for a while trying to figure it out!. I love it though (:Www@QuestionHome@Com
your poem is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
its very peaceful! it sounds sweet and like it comes from the heart! i love it!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
this poem is really great it sounds like it came form ur heart good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com