I have just completed a poem. please give me your opinions, honest ones.?

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Question:

Gentle arms, he raised a fist
Paper crumpled, pulled out a list
He’ll search this house this night, this day
Four things to find, to put away

A dolls house made of wooden oak
A pipe from which she used to smoke
The axe, still smeared with reddened skin
A wedding ring, his everything

“Unrivalled, by any other crime,
To take the lives that once were mine,”
He beat his fists upon a wall,
Heart in boots, began to crawl

She couldn’t stay as his forever,
Summer ended, turned bitter weather
It seems that some can’t face the cold
To another, her heart, she sold

Pacing, he strides across his floor
Blood and guts surround the door
The tiles red, and in the centre
Mother and baby, asleep together

“I’m out of here,” these words she cried
“You still can’t see how hard I tried
From your head, your sanity ran, so
you’ve lost your girl to another man”Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I love it! I think you are a wonderful writer, and you should continue to post your poems!. you should enter poetry!.com contest, you may even win money or a scholorship!. just go to peotry!.com and post as many poems as you like!.

I would say about this poem, you have alot of different things going on!. It almost seems as though it can be broken into 2 or three different poems!. Try to tell a story as you did and keep with it!. I know its hard to keep the flow and tell the story and rythm, but break it up and see where it takes you!. All in all, its beautiful! I have two peoms published and if you ever want to hear my stuff just to get an idea of what im talking about hit me up on an email!. good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

The poem is very descriptive and in excellent form for a 13 year old!. You should be very proud!. It is very disturbing however, and I hope this is not a reflection of your view on life!. Perhaps you can find a teacher or tutor; someone to work with you to improve your grammer!. I think you have talent and a lot of potential!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow I love it, I think it is really good!. I like the way it flows and while you could make some of the stanzas better, for example make the rhyming pattern more ordered, I like how it turns out!. I like how you are making it first two lines rhyme and the next two but sometimes you break the pattern and it is a bit out of there!. I like the 4th stanza a lot!. For a 13 year old you are doing extremely well, keep it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's good!.
its interesting dat u only 13 but u can make a beauty but cruel- or maybe u can say stab heart d one who read it
i'm 13 too!. next septmbre i'm 14
but i can't make poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

WOW! That's incredible! thanks 4 replying and my poem SUCKS compared to yours! Keep it up!.!.!.that was REALLY amazing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

ill give you 5 thumbs (if i had 5 thumbs) up its very good and nice rhymingWww@QuestionHome@Com

did he kill the little girl !? :SWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's very good writing!. I'm just not a big fan of the theme!. But that's just me!Www@QuestionHome@Com