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Question: Poem critique: tried to bleed!?
i tried to bleed
but nothing seems to be coming out
i need to feed
in order for my blood to make its route
down my veins
over my wrists into my clenched fists
i feel the pain
but it all feels the same when
it begins to surface that the blade i use
is really what uses me
at first it was nurturing
but then it stabbed me in the back before i could see
that the fatal mistake i made
was making a bond with such a poignant blade
now my veins deprecate the way i use my blade
the cuts must me deeper now in order for there to be change
i'm dangling by the very rope of my pain
until death comes to claim my remainsWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i think that this is a good poem!. you are telling a story of how you feel nad what your going to do/ did about it in complete detail!. i like the rhyme schemes and the way you order your stanzas!. i would give this a 5 on a scale of 1-6, 6 being the absolut best!. i think that if you substitute some of the common words with some bigger vocab words then it would really bring the sophistication out of this realistic-dramatic poem!. keep up the good work and keep practicing! for better vocab try dictionary!.com and go to the thesaurous part!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

good effort although the idiomatic 'stab on the back' literal meaning a bit weird!.

efforts to rhyme deflate an otherwise great poem, for what does this mean:

now my veins deprecate the way i use my blade

and the last two lines!? !. !. !. suicide!?
you can still make it 'pains' for rhyme-sake!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like the metaphor your working with!.!.!.i hope it's a metaphor!.!.but the words make it too obvious every now and then!.!.!.u got some good lines!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Kill the rhyming scheme!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

good poem, kind of dark but still a very good read!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

yes! emo poems rock *hug*

i love it!.!.!. dark and thrilling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com