Position:Home>Poetry> Please give me a comment for my poem...?

wow, AMAZING!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Your poem will be great when structured to fit a rhyming scheme, like sounding this sing song way!. As it is, it sounds like a story to me then a poem!. try to read more on rhyme scheme and types of verses and after this your poem will be a break!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Alright, you want critique and suggestions, here it goes: first of all GRAMMAR!. Secondly, I don't like the line "It's still on my brain"!. Don't ask me why, it just doesn't sound right!.

But otherwise, nice poem with a potential!. Yeah, why not! I think its alright!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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This is somthing that would make everyone to memorise those preciouse & the most intreasitng time & make them take their pone & call out there old classmates to talk about those many funny & even those sad insidents!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.i like this song dude!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Socks needs to shut her big mouth!. Rhyming poems are the WORST! I don't know who taught her poetry, but they taught her wrong!. My English teacher taught us how to write REAL poetry !. !. !. and it didn't rhyme!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Its beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Yeah , it's good !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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its nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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It's good! :)
Here's some editing suggestions (only because you asked):

'High School'

Our high school days;
Abundance of memories
with plentiful moments

It's was a long time ago
But feels like yesterday
I will never forget
The relations that never end
The friends who's never leave
The memories unforgettable
The moments irreplaceable
The love that was never lost

I can't believe
That time can end

We do lots of think
We laugh together
We cry together
Always together

It still on my brain
The story of the past
In all of it's beauty!.!.

I wonder if
I can go back to that time
To relive that memory
For I miss you all!.!.!.
My inspiratonal friends
whom colored my life
every single day!.!.!.

I call on my good Friends,
To promise me that
You'll never forget me
Like I never forget you

We are friends forever
We are irreplaceable
Because we are the best that we have!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Forgive me if my crit is harsh, but you just won't learn to grow as a poet if it's not!.

'High School'

"On high school
So much memories
So many moment"

On highschool!? Are you actually "on highschool"!?
"So much memories" doesn't quite sound right!. "So many memories" would be better and "so many moments" instead of "so many moment"
Aside from the grammar issues I have with your introduction, it also sounds like you just didn't put any effort into it!. Where is the poetic technique!? I literally don't see any!. At least if you made it "So many memories// So many moments" there would be a hint of repitition, but other than that, it's a pretty cliche intro!.

"It's a long time ago
But feels like yesterday"

"It's a long time ago" translates to "It is a long time ago" "It is" or "it's" is more present tense, so it doesn't make much sense!. "It was a long time ago" would be better!. "But feels like yesterday" at least makes sense, but so far the poem is still lacking in technique!.

"I will never forget
The relation that never end
The friends who's never leave
The memories which unforgettable
The moment that irreplaceable
The love that never lost"

by this point in the poem, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that English isn't your first language, or you flunked english lessons!.
The "I will never forget" makes sense but then "The relation that never end"!?!?!? "The relationships that will never end"!?
"The friends who's never leave"!?!?!? "The friend's who'll never leave"!?
I'm just gonna go and rewrite this the way I think you meant it to sound:
"I will never forget
The relationships that will never end
The friends who'll never leave
The memories which are unforgettable
The moments that are irreplaceable
The love that will not be lost"

Still, even if I correct your grammar, there's nothing!. Imagery!? A poem without imagery in my personal opinion is pretty much worthless in my eyes!.

"I can't believe
That moment was end"

"That moment was end"!?!? Try "I can't believe// the moments have ended"

"We do lots of think
We laugh together
We cry together
Always together"

"We do lots of think"!?!?!?!? Whaaaaat!? Did you mean "We do lots of things"!?

"It still on my brain
The story of the past
Oh, It's so beautiful"

"It's still on my brain" makes me think of a brain with a highschool on top of it!. A Splattered brain crushed by a building!. It evokes imagery (to me, but just because it sounds a bit off!. Don't confuse this with your poem finally having some imagery) "The story of the past// Oh, it's so beautiful" That's nice, but what's the story!? Basically so far you're poems been "Oh highschool!. It was fun and there were a lot of memories!. Beautiful!." It would be better if you included some of the stories of the past!. Use some description!.

"I wonder I can go back at that time
And repeat that memory"

I think you mean "I wonder IF I COULD go back TO that time" and repeat what memory!? You haven't included any memories in this!.

"Because now I miss you all!.!.!.
My friends that colored my life every single day!.!.!."

WOOHOO! The "My friends that colored my life every single day" could actually lead to some kind of imagery!. Cliche as it might be, it's a start!

"Friends, promise me that you never forget me
Like I never forget you"

And now you've bumbed back into that boring "no technique no thought" type of work!. also, I think you mean "Friends, promise me that you'll never forget me// Like I'll never forget you"

"We are friends forever
We are irreplaceable
Because we are the best that we have!.!.!."

"We are friends forever// We are irreplaceable" Works, but is still pretty dull!.
"Because we are the best that we have" Ehhh, I can see how it could make sense, but mostly it doesn't!. Rephrase this into something like "Because we are the best that anyone could have" or something!. I generally dislike that line, though!.



Overall, it was pretty insipid!. Go to www!.mypoetryforum!.com!. There are some great poets and critics who could help you out a lot lot better than I could!.
Generally, it's a nice sentiment to give to your friends from highschool, but if you write poetry regularly and want to grow as poet then this is pretty awful!.
I'd give it one star!.
There wasn't much thought put into it, nor any poetic devices!. I'm sorry, keep it up, though!|Www@QuestionHome@Com

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