Is this a decent poem?

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Question:

Reaper
By the Sage of Youth

I’m the bullet tearing through your flesh!.
I’m the knife embedded in your chest!.
I’m the arrow rushing to greet you!.
I’m the ground flying up to meet you!.
I’m the poison floating in your soup!.
I’m the assassin waiting on your stoop!.
I’m the creature’s piercing bite!.
I’m the thwart of human might!.
I’m the bomb strapped to your gut!.
I’m the virus in your blood!.
I’m the caper of the night!.
I’m the thief of inner light!.
I’m the water in your lungs!.
I’m the burning fire of a thousand suns!.
I am slow, I am painful!.
I am swift, I am careful!.
I am grief, I am dread!.
I am the murderer of all who lie dead!.
I am Death!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

yes, very good actually!. much creativity in there, and a couple ways of thinking about death i hadn't before, the thief of inner light being my personal favorite!. if you want a new spin on the poem, see how it sounds without putting "I'm" at all after the first line!. the "I'm" is implied anyway, and english abhors redundancy; plus the rhyme scheme will be terse and tighter compacting the meanings more tightly, and spinning your reader into the nature of death more quickly and voraciously!. maybe keep the "I am"s though; that really works to make us focus again at the end!. Very good poem either way though, keep posting!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'll give you a B!.

Subject matter is a little creepy, but I like heavy metal, so OK!.

Some lines don't rhyme -- blood & gut -- but in a song would work!.

The meter is inconsistent!. Matching lines of a poem are supposed to have the same number of syllables!. The verbal emphasis is always in the same place!. You could fix this by choosing slightly different words, and not starting each line with "I am"!. That might mess up your thing, though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

too dark but i like it
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's okay, if you are after the depressing kind of feel!.
it flowes very nicely
ciaoWww@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty good!.

"I am the last breath from your lungs"

Sounds better than what you previously said!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes!. It's a very good poem!. I like how you switched from I'm to I am!. Nice work!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

between a 1-10 I'll give you a 7Www@QuestionHome@Com