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Position:Home>Poetry> What do you make of this poem? critique welcome!?Question: What do you make of this poem!? critique welcome!!? A silent torturer
it breeds within causing censors to overload a testing nature it feeds off you all that is left is no control we approach with hate we medicate but It is still free to make one pause take one step back creak and crack frustration for the cause so we live each day though all the same a suffering monotony while the silent torturer celebrates……… the control it has of meWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Beautiful, but in line 3 didn't you mean "sensors"!? I am not an expert, it just made more sense to me that way =)) Otherwise, simply lovely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com OMG This is so good!. It gets better with each reading, ST!. I made a suggestion, but am not sure it is necessary!. I love the track you have taken !.!.!. the control that Pain has and the Control it claims!. You captured my day to perfection! I've been working to figure out personification, and I believe you have personified PAIN throughout this poem with your subtlety -- something I am trying to get my mind wrapped around! A little critique for an excellent poem !.!.!.!. reminds me of the pain of fibromyalgia, et!. al!. A silent torturer breeds within <--- delete IT causing sensors to overload a testing nature it feeds off you all that is left is no control we approach with hate we medicate but It is still free to make one pause take one step back creak and crack frustration for the cause so we live each day though all the same a suffering monotony while the silent torturer celebrates……… the control it has of me T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Oh Silver this is another brilliant poem, you capture pain in a terrific way that really captures your imagination!. I know you suffer pain and this really shows how you feel which is what a poem is supposed to do!!! Get your stuff published!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com Hauntingly good!. :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com It doesn't need anything but to publish it, not kidding, one of your best!.Www@QuestionHome@Com wow, excellent!. well done and thank you for sharing xWww@QuestionHome@Com I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |