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Question: Could you criticize my poem please!?
Opposite I the field,
The enemy points and aims,
A line of amo soars,
And ends a family name!.
Opposite me a man,
Just 20 years of age,
Blessed with the gift of life,
I fire out of rage!.
The enemy reloads,
I hear a fiery blast,
My friend is shot and killed,
Anger to hot to last!.
I load my gun with rage,
This bastard's gonna to pay,
I pull the trigger and pray,
God kill this angry sage!.
But god is busy now,
Across the graveyard lay,
A dieing soldier man,
Praying today be my last day
I fire one last shot,
The enemy does the same,
The lord answers both our prayers,
And ends this fiery game!.
By: Trevor S!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Very good, better than mine
Yvonne P is mad!.
Across the Battlefield unseen
the sniper in uniform green
who lurks within the shadows there
secreted in his hiiden lair!.
Beside me on the parapet lays
my best friend, and he straight A's
so recently at school recieved
He sits up, Bang, and now we grieve
And further down the trench so shallow
lies another brilliant fellow
who could at will wordsworth recite
we'll bury him later tonight!.
And dead under the stars so bright
the clever, dull, the stupid, bright
Musician, farmer, engineer
a generation's dying here
And so the methodical cull continues
Bullets through not flesh and sinue
The Sniper does what needs to be done
shots to the brain through solid bone
And so the sniper steadily picks
off anyone whose head sticks
briefly above the parapet
he has not managed to hit me yet
But to me as yet unknown
a bullet had my name upon
it clicked gently into the breech
as for my glasses I did reach
I raised my hemet on a stick
the trigger moved a gentle click
the bullet with my name on it
missed and hit the parapet
Enough's enough, all those lives
the Battery of four point fives
Blast the coordinate I provide
with hail of death, no one survives!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
great poem! the great thing about your poem is that it could be based on any war! ww1, ww11, the vietnam war, the civil war, the european wars, and any other war!. you summed up the history of war in your poem!. you wrote about young men in war, friends being killed in front of their friends, and patriotism!. one of the things that i liked about your poem is that you thought like a soldier, and during the wars, the thought of god comes into question!. and you also used the word "sage"!. not alot of people know what that mean!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not too bad! Clean up the grammatical errors, though!. "Too" instead of "to," "dying" instead of "dieing," and so on!. That will really make it nice and polished!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
actually there are gramatical mistakes
opposite i the field!?!?!?!?
that doesn't make sense
just concentrate on building sentences which are gramatically correct
i think you tried too hard on rhyming words
you'll learn by-the-byeWww@QuestionHome@Com
I'll critercise it!
It's disgusting, boring, emo, cliche!.
LIKE YOU!Www@QuestionHome@Com