Does this poem suck as much as I think it does?

Question: Does this poem suck as much as I think it does!?

I know this poem really DOES suck, and Im not just trying to be all fakey-modest!. I just want to have people CONFIRM its crappiness!. HUmor is appreciated! Thanks!

somethings broken
deep inside
so please dont touch
and please dont chide
my soul feels like
it has been slapped
dont touch me now
my heart is chapped

Yeahh!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Depends on how much you think it sucks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Actually, the first four lines are a good start!. Where the trouble comes is in the second half--the rhythm becomes flatter and less regular and it's just not very surprising!. The images of the slapped soul and the chapped heart are redundant and neither is startling enough to carry the poem!.

Get back into the feeling you had when you wrote this draft and try to come up with a metaphor that's unexpected, that will jar the reader!. The poem is talking about an emotion that everyone has experienced--which is fine but your job is to make the reader feel it as something strange and new!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's choppy -- but you have some good imagery to work with for a rewrite!. This is a small rewrite -- changed one word, removed others!. I don't know if it is what you want to say, but it is another approach for you to see if I got what you wanted to say!.

things break <-- more immediate, timely
deep inside
don't touch
don't chide

my soul
was slapped

don't touch
me
my heart
is chafed <--- more intense than chapped -- since it is
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.broken!.

T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Try this its a lot worse

Ode to a CD 175

somethings broken
deep inside
so please dont touch
and please dont chide

It seems just like
the camchains snapped
The tensioners probably worn out
clapped!.

So push the Honda far away
stick it in a barn
Some day
somebody may find a way
to fix it up againWww@QuestionHome@Com

I agree that this does seem like an outline but I think it is pretty sweet =]

Im not sure if i like the flow of my soul feels like it has been slapped just because the other lines are sharp stops while that one needs to be pushed together!.!.!. Just a suggestion idkWww@QuestionHome@Com

something's broken
deep inside
so please don't touch
and please don't chide
my soul feels like
it has been chapped
dont touch me now
or you'll get slapped

My take on it, and no it doesn't suck, I have see ones a lot worse than this one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Something broken deep within
Sometimes smoke without a grin

Don"t touch my foolish pride
Inside a girl
The child of mine!.

My soul,is free
And feels the light!.
To touch!.

Slapped with time
My love,so sharp
Within a moment of my heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is rough!. More like an outline of a poem than the poem itself!. Use it as an easel to paint from and I think you'll be more pleased with the results!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

too direct and obvious i think!.!.!.!.
instead of "it has been slapped" put like!.!.!."my hearts was wounded by the darkness of my inner pain"
you know!.!.!.somhing like this!.!.!.all cheesy and morbid xDWww@QuestionHome@Com

lol!.!.!.!.sorry!.
Not laughing at you!.!.with you really!. ')
It sounds like your trying to rhyme to much!. just speak from the heart and worry about it rhyming later!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

No!.Www@QuestionHome@Com