Position:Home>Poetry> Okay do you like this?

Meh It didn't really start even making sense till the 13th line!. To me, the reader, this is what it meant

A heaven, you built me- with walls painted with the
colours sapped from your own dreams,

You've been supporting me in comfort, working your life away (as in sapped, like draining sap/blood from a tree) at a job you didn't really intend to have

"whose
gardens sang in the mirth of the very spring of your youth"

I dunno, I get the vibe he wanted to be a fireman and now works at a Wal-Mart!.!. again not what his child-self intended

"The red flowers I wore on your much liked
tresses of mine, bloomed with the
nourishing blood streams of your own veins"

"your liked tresses of mine" totally killed this for me, I have not a dang clue what you're talking about, I'm sure somthing in here isn't a symbol and that's why I can't pick it!.

"Your tears of pain dried into smiles of joy
as you watched me walk through the airy
curtains of my dreams suddenly taking life"

Your job sucked, alot, and I got to do what I wanted to do because of your sacrifice, and you weren't bitter, but happy for me!.

"And now I see you amidst lifeless lands,
rotting for the first time in the pain of wounds,
now inflicted straight upon your heart
by the stab of my sinful deceit,"

I see that you're taking my cheating on you really hard!.

"For I burnt the home you built me along with
the sacred red flowers of your bleeding love down
to ashes,In the pursuit of the sinful games of lust"

I really really cheated on you, badly!.

"My soul that has rusted in the bed of filth i slept on
breaks to pieces in the heat of your divine love
that still seem to flow endlessly, uninterruptedly,
like the holy waters of a hot spring river, as ever"

I've been thinking about it, and I've had trouble sleeping thinking about what I did!. Since you didn't do anything wrong to me, it sucks all the more!.!. but somehow you're still loving me for whatever reason!.

"as ever" has to be an inside thing because it has no business being there!.

It's as to be expected I suppose!. Not really enough apology, if that's it's purpose!. You don't seem to be hurting enough, as you only mention passingly that you're not in top shape "rusted"!. It also seems to be missing an end, either what happend to the sap you sapped, or what you're doing now!.

so, yeah I guess I kinda liked it as much as I like a mild episode of Oprah at 2:30PM on Tuesday!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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That's awesome babe, what has inspired you to right these things, however I am abit worried with the content, I take it someone has hurt you bad, least your exspressin your emotion in a healthy way!.

Good Luck girl xWww@QuestionHome@Com

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I like what it says, but it is just prose!. Making triplets doesn't make it a poem!. There are no inner rhymes or assonances or plays, just one consonance (lands/wounds)!.

Perhaps I just like rhymes!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Yes, I like it as always!. Your a wonderful writer keep up the great work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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It is great I love poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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YESWww@QuestionHome@Com

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its the most beauitul and meaninful l have ever heard since l was born!.!.!. very very nice!.!. l like this :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Look at it from the mans perspective!.


Please Little mermaid undestand
T'was not a true love affair grand
But really just a one night stand
not a lifetimes love!.

I'm sorry if you did not see
that you meant sod all to me
And I went home to Tenessee
after our night of love!.

I bought the flowers for your Hair
From the Wal mart store as there
was a special deal, a pair
For the price of one!.

I'm sorry that you burned your place
You really are a basket case
I'm bloody glad that I escaped
Your clutches from that morn!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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