Position:Home>Poetry> Just started toying with this verse, any suggestions to make it better?
Question: Just started toying with this verse, any suggestions to make it better!?
The Taste of Dreams
I awake in the morning
A taste upon my lips:
Sweet sometimes
And reminiscent
Reminiscent of a treat from long ago,
Or bitter, and without depth
Better forgotten, I instinctively think
But still a taste of great power,
A moment of knowledge and learning
A time of growth
Occasionally sour and made of steal
Wincing, running away
Not in fear but in weakness,
Shame
Or the salty, scent-filled moments
Strong, bold images so confused
Tossed like boats at sea
In terrible storms, survived
And become the stuff of song!.
I awake in the morning
A taste upon my lips
A dream-memory wrapped around me
Like a warm, remembered moment
From a time now past,
Turned to knowledge and experience…
Perhaps wisdom!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The idea has merit but awaking with a taste is hard for me to envision!. Maybe tasting something that then brings you back to a flashback of your dream!? The last line is not to me the best type of ending for this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is a good poem!. It sounds like you are going through the growing pains of young adulthood!. Memories of feeling on top of the world and then the moment is gone!. Sounds to me like you have turned it into a positive experience for the better!. No experience that we go through is ever wasted!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it as is!. That being said, suggestions for the ending - using the words: today, reality, enlightenment, or epiphany, as the finale!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Why would you want someone else to change your thoughts!? To me a poem is you and your thought pattern, sometime they are not well written but they are you!. This one has a dream feel about it, I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
that was really good! i liked your descriptions of the taste a lot!. i liked how the feel of the poem was sort of 'wandery'!. i can't really think of anything to improve on right now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I shall withhold my judgment until you return and pay for whatever was "made of steal!."Www@QuestionHome@Com