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Position:Home>Poetry> Is this a good poem? please help me!?Question: Is this a good poem!? please help me!!? I see people crying while their loved ones die
The sound of their sorrow pierces the soft flesh of my sympathy I can taste their pain as if it is my own The cold hands of a dying lady embrace my hand as she takes her final breathes Death is at her doorstep with no hope in sight The smell of the dead revolts me No one should suffer this fate its about poverty and could you please put some tips in or something!. i really hope it even sounds like a poemWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: At face value it does sound like a poem and not a bad one!. However no matter how abstract your intention may be I see no correlation in your piece between Death as you describe and the poverty you say your poem is about!. Even in poverty there can always be hope!. There is no sense of hope at all in your writing!. This would be more natural if you were reflecting on physical death and the loss to those left behind!. In the beginning you write eloquently about your own sadness and empathy towards the dying lady and the sorrow of her loved ones!. I find your second last line a strange juxtaposition to the rest of your poem!. Of course no one should suffer, however those who pass from this world surrounded by loved ones are more blessed than the many who do not!. These are just my opinions I am no expert, I liked your poem very much!. I worked for many years in a hospice as a patient care volunteer!. I have held people as they died, who otherwise would have died alone!. I have also felt the pain of others as they watch their loved ones die!. I would love to discuss your writing some more, please contact me through this website if you are interested in doing so!. Best wishes Paul p!.s!. watching so many people pass has given me the impetus to live life to the full and follow my dreams!.Www@QuestionHome@Com just now, the blow of wind whispered to our ears hear it deeply!.!.!., don't you hear it!? can you realize it!? the word they want to tell!.!.!.!. just now, a flash of dreams come to our mind full of happiness and sorrowful have you ever think that dream is a valuable gift!? cause there are many people have lost their dream have you ever think that dream is a bless!? cause the sorrow isn't real but what can you see for them!? Now, they can't separate which one is dream or reality until now, our eyes has been blinded to see the reality our eyes has been closed to hear their cries will you just say, "this is fate"!? will you just say, "none of my bussiness"!? let's from now, help them, even with just with some words "both of you and me, we are the same" ~~v_Sha~~ No offense, but I'd like to reply your poem!. Both of you and me are the same, we know there're so many people cries but they're keep strong to defeat the condition!. Will I be able to survive if I was them!? I don't think so!. You and me have same opinion, I hope someday I'll be the one who help them!. NO, I'll help them from now!!! Your poem is good and realistic! ^__^ Keep trying! Sorry, my poem is not as good as yours!. Mine more looks like a journal!.!.!. hahaWww@QuestionHome@Com |