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Question: What do you think of this poem that i just wrote!?
Earth’s death


The moon sets its lazy haze far over the horizon
Tonight it will reveal its last shone light for all minds to enquire
The day that lit sun’s fire
Passing of time that treasure a heart’s desire

Animals awake at the dawn of day
Frogs jump around in the pond
Flowers stepped, crushed, and gone
Gone, gone, gone
As dolphins sing and prance around by the bay

Let’s Daydream and gaze at the sky of dancing clouds
Stretched over the land of doubts
Haven of birds flying their way to freedom
Wonderful trust that bonds between them
Flying and flying together as one

People who cry are the ones we sought
To comfort and to hearten are the actions we’ve brought
As they cry, tears perennially daze
Down into the fountain of forever sad glaze
Daze into and you will see
That happiness can be obtained patiently

So when the moon sets still beyond the far ocean
Silence spread in petrified motion
When the frogs lay tranquil, over by the pond
He will blame the actions we’ve done
Sorry won’t take back any regrets
Rather it flows the tears we’ve shed
The cranes, gulls, fishes lay dead
Their blood mixes ours, the blood we’ve bledWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your green poem following the one I just read makes me wish I had started making sure I was recycling years ago!. This is magic!. I don't know what you feel you need to edit -- I don't see a thing and I am an editor!. I may be in "lazy haze far over the horizon" and am inable to detect errors or changes, but this is stunning!.

A visual photo journal through your mastery of Word!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Grammatically, it needs several corrections to tense and punctuation (there is none!.) It lacks interesting detail and reads like drizzle dew drop doldrums!.

Revise, revise, revise!. Then revise some more!. Then polish!. Then revise!. Then you will have a poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that is really good if you just started writing without thinking too much about it!.
nice imagery!.
but honestly!? writing poems on nature isn't really that original anymore, in my opinion!.
still, though!. it's pretty!. on the verge of beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it very powerful!. great for a rough draft, maybe adjust the rhythm a bit but awesome!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

amazing!!

it was absoloutly lovely!.
really profound!Www@QuestionHome@Com

its really good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

thts really beautifulWww@QuestionHome@Com

You know,Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its only a 3 star poem!. Thats just what I think at least!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nice Flow, keep writing :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

too longWww@QuestionHome@Com

really good :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

good work!. you're a poet and u know it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com