Position:Home>Poetry> One poem for a Sunday. Could also by for a song...haven't decieded yet. Is i
Question: One poem for a Sunday!. Could also by for a song!.!.!.haven't decieded yet!. Is it better suited for a song!.!?
"self control"
I always wish it would rain
and wash away all my sins!.
You know I wish it would storm,
but all I see is the sun!.
Dropped a couple of 10's,
so I could see once again!.
Gotten lost in my own tall tales,
the truth I tried hard to quash!.
I saw my face in a mirror,
someone I've never known!.
My life is a maelstrom,
directly sent from above!.
Time is not on my side,
I'm on a hill sliding fast!.
You only reach for me now,
after I've lost control!.
The truth is subject to change,
and I'm the last one to know!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I beleive it could go either way poem or song, once you put in the extra verses!.
As far as the dropping the couple of 10's some of the public wouldn't know what that was, but some would!. The only word I would change ,is the word sin, maybe the word error instead, sin sounds harsh, error is a little softer!
So go with your gut on this one its different, i likey!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Doesn't quite sing to me, but then, all the songs I have ever known have had rhyming verses, some end rhyme, some internal rhyme, some both!. Usually also have even number syllable counts rather than odd, although that would depend on the music!. To me, as it is, is better as a poem, but with minor editing and the right music, a good song could be forthcoming!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Answering is as tempting as an open chocolate bar!. Dropped by long enough to say it is a beautiful song!. Every word of it!. Like the rain, storm, sun, glad you explained the 10/s, like the mirror deal, understand the maelstrom!. Good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Song No, you essentially have eignt bars then a further eight, then a different eight, then the first eight
so you need 2/4 and 6/8 and 10/12 lines rhyming and yours does not!.
I have no idea what 10's are!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds like a song to me!. Separate the verses and put in a bridge and chorus, and I believe you'll have a hit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com