Position:Home>Poetry> Here's another one is you want to read please? happier!! ;)?
Question: Here's another one is you want to read please!? happier!! ;)!?
Untouched beauty
A winter dawn when I awake,
The sky still dark, far, far away
Stars glitter with the tiny flakes,
I watch as night turns to daybreak!.
The snow a like icing on the ground,
The air chills my fingers, my ears,
But my heart is warm as it pounds,
the rhythm to which I watch the day!.
Atop the cloudy mountain I,
Watch over the forests of Christmas trees,
Then I know where I belong,
Where the worlds untouched beauty still resides!.
I go skiing in the Alberta Rockies in the winter, I think it is the most beautiful place on earth! Suggestions!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The first line!.!.!."a winter dawn when I awake"!.!.!.perhaps it should be "a winter dawns when I awake" or "a winter dawn, when I awake" without the comma after "awake"!.
also, your rhyme pattern is different in all three stanzas!.!.!.the first stanza is abaa (even though line three ends in an "s"), the second stanza is abac (even though line three ends in an "s"), and the third stanza is abcd, although the first and last stanza "might" be close enough for slant rhyme!. I think you need to figure out if you want to rhyme or not and stay with whatever you decide for all three stanzas!.
Line 1 of stanza 2 is!.!.!.well!.!.!."the snow a like icing!.!.!."!? I think you meant, "the snow is like icing!.!.!." or "the snow a light icing!.!.!."
The poem, other than format errors, is pretty!. You have nice images and it's only the errors that keep it from being a much better poem!. Unlike hand grenades, poetry is precise and every word "means something"!.!.!.so you need to make sure it means the "right" something by making sure you use the "right word"!. I agree that a snow filled landscape is about as pure a sight as ever created!.!.!.and the image comes across in your poem!.!.!.which is why it is a "pretty" poem!.!.!.you just need to do a little editing, that's all!.
!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
I truly love it!.
I don't ski, but I did part of my growing up in Colorado and spent a lot of time in the Rockies in the winter!. I haven't lived in mountain country for many years now, and I do miss the sights you describe so very well!.
You have a good grasp of life and nature for a 13-year-old!. Keep it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is really a beautiful poem!.
I was there with you!. I love it when the words form the pictures so clearly!.
Well done!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Write and keep what comes natural!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ur poem is AWESOME!!! Write more! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow that is really good!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This one is really good to!. You should read the one I wrote and give me some feedback!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com