Position:Home>Poetry> Here is a new thing I wrote. what do you think?
Question: Here is a new thing I wrote!. what do you think!?
Please let me out on the side of the road!.
I’d rather walk the rest of the way
The rain feels good and cools
The heat that comes from not knowing
Maybe I will walk all the way to tomorrow
And see what it’s like as the sun comes up!.
I’m afraid it will just
Shine a light on things I don’t want to see!.
Too many bad things behind tomorrow!.
Maybe the sun won’t shine at all
And allow me the small comfort of waiting
My shoes splash in the filling puddle
The cars race past, some too close
Their tires cut through water and
Makes a noise that sounds like rash!.
But I don’t flinch because I know I will last
Is it loss or just the sting of broken attachment!?
That feels like needles when the drops hit my skin!.
I’m happy the rain makes noise because
It drowns the movie critics in my head!.
Strange how a small thing like that noise
Can give me such comfort
I wish I could die but still stay alive
And see the world when I don’t have to try
What if I took off my clothes and ran
Naked down the street!.
Then the world could see what I am capable of!.
And put me where they can’t see me
And if I do it again will it go the same way
Will it be my home for more than a day!?
I Know today will end and become the past
And it makes me sad because I know I will lastWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is an astonishing poem!. It has dark imagination and a deep grasp of suffering!. The line "Too many bad things behind tomorrow" is brilliant,as are many lines throughout!. I feel as if I can really relate to these words!. There is so much pathos in the last line, in the whole of this poem, that I am touched deeply by it!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I've been watching a movie about capturing the Green River Killer -- and the narrator is an 18 year old girl -- she is filled with wisdom of living a life of hell!.
Your words are on par with the movie script -- and that's high praise!.
Excellent work!. I will read more of your poetry as time goes by -- because, as you say so eloquently, "And it makes me sad because I know I will last!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's pretty good, it stays together and complete, focus on the morrows, and have fun splashing long the way,?
!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is very deep , I really like your poemWww@QuestionHome@Com
Well you've drawn a lot of attention from those who are top contributors on the subject of poetry!.
Presumably they are drawn to your attractiveness and exotic name seemingly poetic in nature!.
My humble opinion!.!.it's too long which makes it pedestrian;it's meaningless as in what the heck are you trying to say;way off the mark emotionally - adolescent feelings in 4 line phrases does not make or mean poetry and finally!.!.!.please let me out on the side of the road!.Www@QuestionHome@Com