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Question: Poem:Star Traveler Revisited-I read my previous poem, this burned the keyboard; judge it please!.!?
Star Traveler Revisited
by Victoria Tarrani (? 0806!.07)
I try to find
the ones who left
before my time:
Kent, who left me bereft,
my brother, my friend,
from life unto life;
David who rose
too fast for my heart
to catch a breath;
Dad, though I thought
I could let him go,
and told him so,
so foolish was I;
Mary and Joe
their love lives
from time unto time –
entwined are we
by their
sons!.
Take me before
another leaves
and takes the trip
I’ve booked!.
I am the star traveler,
trapped in mortality
where only my mind
can soar into the
solar winds that
push me away;
my will is stronger
and swiftly I dive
through their
heat and fire
and power!.
I can go
anywhere
as a spirit!.
~Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I find this both sad and joyful a good mixture of both!. To want to deny ones self the pain of another soul gone, to wish for release from mortality to escape the feeling of loss, is very poignant!. I really like this, it speaks to everyone who has lost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes, it is wonderful!. I often refer to poetry as painting with words, so we are on the same wavelength!. The imagery is exceptional, beginning with "I am the star traveler/trapped in mortality!.!.!." (A word of advice: NEVER explain yourself!. Let your poetry speak and let the reader's imagination roam)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I read your other poem first!. To me, these are two distinct poems!. This poem explains your reasons for time travel!. The other poem hints at reasons and leaves it up to the imagination to the reader!. Both are good in their own right!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't see anything wrong with it, I wish i could write like that, so when is your book coming out, i would like a autographed copy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is lovely, and I am sure touches the soul of many who read your words, Your last seven words a perfect closing!.
I know these feelings well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very touching!.!.!.!.thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
In all of us there is an inner anxiousness to see and experience the next plane!. Even those who deny a highter spiritual power HOPE that there is something beyond the horizon of what we see!. This is a beautiful and detailed poem illustrating the inner wish of every human being, that we could become what we desire and stay as we are!. To travel anywhere and return unchanged!. However, that is not the path life is meant to take, but I will dream with you, and soar along the wings of your words!.!.!.or if that is not agreeable, catch the updraft from your wake!. Beautiful poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
There are deeper meanings hidden in this poem!. I don't know the whole story, but I gather you are lamenting the loss of those who have died and saying you would like, in spirit, to join them!.
This doesn't sound like the Tori I know, who loves life and laughter so much!. (Have I read you wrong!?) I like your use of word pictures, which you are so good at!.
I think we are somewhere around the same age--I'm possibly a little older!. I have reached the point in life where I am beginning to refer to death as "the next great adventure!."
This description is--to some degree--an exaggeration!. I love life and wish there could be more of it and that I could get some of my youth back so I could enjoy it more, nevertheless I will take what God gives me!.
I see in this a wistful yearning to see again those you have lost!. There are people I feel that way about, too!. My dad!. My uncles--all three of whom are now gone!. My grandfather, who was my best buddy when I was 4 years old!. My brother-in-law!.
But there are so many living to love and appreciate--our five sons, our soon to be six grandchildren, our seven foreign exchange students, two more of whom are about to go home!.
I'll take life as God gives it to me and be grateful!.
Well, that wasn't much of a critique, was it!? It's more of a commentary and an essay on my feelings about what you have written!. Thank you for the catalyst!.
It was worth thinking about!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first half of this poem is less ambitious, but more successful than Easter, 1916; Yeats's poem only half moves me, but is half annoying, partly for its immodesty!. But your second half leaves me quite cold: `the trip/I've booked' is an immense drop in formality which in my opinion wounds the poem!. The juxtaposition of `my mind/can soar into the/solar winds,' creates confusion, as my mind carries the trip metaphor forward into soaring airplanes!. The fact that the winds `push me away' is also an awkwardly undeveloped conflict in this poem!. `my will is stronger,' and the feebly defiant conclusion, have the opposite effect, to me, than was intended!. I am not sure, perhaps, if the `star traveller' idea has been gracefully combined with the main subject matter of this poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com