One poem for Friday. Do you like it.?

Question: One poem for Friday!. Do you like it!.!?

"insanity"

Cast out all your agony,
catharsis fades away!.
Everything passes willingly,
so many go astray!.

It's easy to debase a child,
rhetoric disappears!.
Souls are not even exempt,
a long slow pained decline!.

Swallow all your sorrow,
your lives delusional!.
Broken kids are everywhere,
this can't become undone!.

I've not much more to say,
keep silent and reserved!.
Pandora's box is open
and can't be closed again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

To be honest, the language in this poem was a LOT easier to understand than in some of your other poems!. Though it detracts a bit from the depth of your message, it also makes your idea more straight to the point!. Either way, it was another wonderful piece of work!.

Small corrections (I won't bother you about syllable counts this time!):

Line 1, Stanza 2: 'it's easy to debase a child,' could be rephrased to something like 'to debase a child is simple!.' or something along those lines!.

Line 3, Stanza 2: maybe change the word order to 'Even souls are not exempt!.'

Line 4, Stanza 2: I didn't enjoy how you put three adjectives together- it seemed to disrupt the flow a bit, if you get my drift!. Perhaps 'a constant, pained decline!.'

Lines 1-2, Stanza 3: you said 'your' once in each of those lines, and it makes the words become a bit choppy!. Maybe change the second line to 'Sad lives, delusional!.'

Line 3, Stanza 3: saying 'are' is a waste of a good word-count! Maybe say 'Broken kids sob everywhere,' or use a different verb, etc!.!.!.

Line 1-2, Stanza 4: maybe alter it to 'There's not much left to say, I'll keep quiet, reserved" because the way you phrased it was just a touch awkward!.

Line 4, Stanza 4: The way you said it was fine, but it might flow better if you said 'Closure, impossible!.'

You're the poet, you decide!.!.!.these changes were just what I thought would best suit your message!. 'Tis up to you! Good job on this!.!.!.<3Www@QuestionHome@Com

I ponder the remarks that it is uplifting and others that have no clue!. But yes, I like it!. It is refreshing!. The cleansing away of agony for a while, speeches and worthless words mean nothing for the wounded!. Hurts still remain and we can't close out the evil in the world!. I like better the rhythm of first verse, and would change or rearrange last lines of second and third verse, but I'm not counting lines and syllables tonight!. (LOL) I think you probably have it like you want it!. Edit (Am I seeing through clear glass!?)Www@QuestionHome@Com

ur going great work again! i love when it says ``swallow all your sorrow,your lives delusional!.broken kids are everywhere, this cant become undone`` b/c i see what ur saying!. its serouis not intertaning!. i like sad pomes when they make the person understand what ur feeling!. thats great in sad poems!. keep doing what ur doing! ur great at it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

So the first verse is talking about taking a dump!?

a long slow pained decline!.!.!.!.!. I guess it goes with the first verse!.

this can't become undone!.!.!.!.!. NO BODY DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!. IT WAS JUST THERE!.

last verse is kinda creative!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Children debased with no retoric, delusional lives, broken kids that can't be fixed, fitting objects for the title, insanity!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really don't know what to say!.!.!.!. It's so true, and sad, and just amazing!.!.!.!.

I wish i could give you more than one star, you deserve the whole skyful for this poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

u need to switch around words to make it more interesting, like: open is Pandora's box; closed it will never beWww@QuestionHome@Com

Broken kids are indeed everywhere!. Society has failed it's children!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

So sad, so true, with all your descriptive words you have left a many a clue! Love your poems, keep them coming!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it! Very upifting!Www@QuestionHome@Com

beutiful ! :) lolWww@QuestionHome@Com

Its really good did you ever think of publishing it
wait is it yours lolWww@QuestionHome@Com

You are good indeed!. Keep on writing!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am very impressed!.!.!.good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it, good job Dark Prince!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its ooookk
its rele depressing though
make it mor happi!
:]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yeah,I like it alot!.Do you know you're very poetic!??Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow thats a good peomWww@QuestionHome@Com

no ,it needs workWww@QuestionHome@Com