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Position:Home>Poetry> A poem for a rainy, gloomy Tuesday. Do you like it.?Question: A poem for a rainy, gloomy Tuesday!. Do you like it!.!? "apathy"
All I feel is apathy, no more reason I should be!. Unable to really change, but for now, I rearrange!. Drowning in a say abyss, sinking slow, nothing amiss!. Slipping through the nightly cracks, waiting for the last attacks!. As I wallow, swallowed pride, where and when, who to confide!? All my life, just wasted time, dripping with collected slime!. Now the end is finally near, none will know, I was here!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: :) As good as the rest of your poems!.!.!.so as usual, I appreciate it a lot! Criticism: The second line: seems a bit jumbled!.!.!.maybe sort it out a bit!? The fifth line: do you mean 'sad' abyss!? :P Not 'say' abyss, I'd assume!.!.!. The ninth line: has eight syllables instead of the seven in the rest of the lines!. The thirteenth line: also has eight syllables!.!.!. The last line: has six syllables!. It would fit if you said "no one will know, I was here!." Minor criticism, and for all I know, the 'mistakes' were intentional!. ^^ write more pleaseeeee!! <3Www@QuestionHome@Com I will remember!. Glad you touched my life! Good poetry!. EDIT Since we are kindly, attacking your structure let me add what I think might be helpful hints!. Line 6 has 7 syllables, but if you should change slow to slowly as it should grammatically be, it will then be 8 syllables!. I think you could get by with it, because slowly has an easier flow!. Line 9 does have 7 syllables (I think) Line 10, change (to who) or (to whom) confide!? Better flow!. Line 13, most everyone says finally as two syllables!. Others say it in a flowing manner that usually is acceptable, especially if you note the last line change!. !. Last line14, simply add (none) will know that I was here!. That will give you 7 syllables!. Knowing you better, I usually read your poetry the expressed way I think you might!. (We're done!.) I think we might be cooked goose!Www@QuestionHome@Com That is so sad and sounds painful and heartbroken!.I understand the expression of gloom and circles in it with nothing to do and a lot of hopelesswishes unfufilled!. I do not know if you were depressed writing it but if you were a tip to be happy is to be in gratitude for things you have instead of what you wish you had!. maybe I am buying too much into this poem but it makes me feel feelings that I have felt and want no one else to have to feel as it hurts inside so bad whenlocked inside!. you have a gift of expression that can be understood by people like me that have had hard knocks in life and poetry writing is a great release for feelings so as not to take drastic actions!. hope you write more and feel good when writing!. I personally love happy poetry and think you would do well in that type of expressions!. this is just my honest thoughts!. and you can take it or leave it as there is no harm meant in my opinion!. aloha tazWww@QuestionHome@Com this poem was fascinating!! I would like to read more of your poetry!. this poem was really meaning full!.Www@QuestionHome@Com steve this poem is more or less explaining my feelings!.!.!.thanks because i cant write!.!.!.!.u explained feelings truely touching!.!.!.good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com its raining were u are to !.!.!.!.this sucks not your poem the weather i wanted to go for a bike rideWww@QuestionHome@Com |