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Question: Poem I was forced to write for English!. Revise!?
again and again
he sees what's left behind
explosions on film reels
playing in his mind

it took everything he had
not knowing what would change
family behind and beside him
still silent, two boarded the plane

stepping into gunfire
courageous he would fight
he'd march with friends beside him
deciding what was right

he cried out "my brother!"
that night when he died
bare hands digging wreckage
for a body they'd never find

every night, he wondered why
traumatized and all alone
two had left for Vietnam
but only one was going home

it was a time we don't remember
and a war he can't forget
he left his best friend fallen there
forced to return with only regret

looking back on all that happened
years later; lonely, but not gone
he forgives the world what was done there
before lost, now he has overcome

fought for something bigger than him
still sees its light behind his eyes
we are strong, that soldier taught us
and it takes strength to live our livesWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is a GREAT poem!!!!!! I just tweaked a couple of the lines for ya!. ("Just add them back in where they go!. See if you like the flow"----hey I just cant' stop rhyming!) ; )

He cried out "help! my brother!"
That night before he died
Bare hands searching wreckage
For a body they'd never find

It was a time we don't remember
And a war he can't forget
He left his best friend fallen there
And returned with harsh regret

Looking back on all that happened
Alone and feeling numb
He forgives the world for all its ways
And the pain he's overcomeWww@QuestionHome@Com

THAT IOS AWESOMEWww@QuestionHome@Com

I can tell it was forced!. I'm not saying it's bad, I can just tell, is all!. If you really want to improve this poem, then there is nothing better than to just lay it down on a desk or something and just look at it, and read it over and over!. I wish there was a more effecient way, but if there is, your the only one that can know!.

What it sounds like to me is a fancy way to tell a story!. It's not really coming out to me as a poem!.

65 out of 100!. This is all just an opinion, but what good is literature without an opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com