Position:Home>Poetry> Can I thank Elaine P for the inspiration for this poem?
Question: Can I thank Elaine P for the inspiration for this poem!?
Lonely
Everyone has somewhere to go
on these busy city streets!.
Fast-paced, running,
how late can they be!?
I hear voices around me,
bumped and pushed around!.
Just one soul walking,
taking my time, experiencing!.
Surrounded by the hectic life
that supposedly means you are
something!.
Yet I stand here, blending in
with the crowd around me!.
Surrounded by people,
I'm the loneliest I've ever been!.
I wait for night,
when the city comes truly alive!.
Moonlight frames the history
of the architecture,
the hard work of our ancestors,
I can still almost hear
the rapid beat of their hammers!.
Picturesque buildings now stand
sadly amongst cookie-cutter molds!.
When passion still burned,
and caring wasn't a weakness!.
Here on this empty city street,
mesmerized by the glistening brick
beneath the soft lamppost lights,
I am not lonely at all!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The theme of feeling lonely in a crowd is an old, but true one!. Crowds dull our ability to think, to feel, to plan!. This is why I moved from a large city to an island!. I love the image of "cookie-cutter molds!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think both poems superbly inspirational!. I have only this reply!.
Standing here,
beach and city,
watching lights
once
upon
a
time
so pretty,
the air
I breathe
turns dark
and gritty!.
All the humanity
pressing around me,
can't they see,
can't they see,
whispering waves
and pounding sands,
let me be lonely,
let me be lonely!.!.!.
and let me be lonely
alone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Overall, excellent and great images!. Some edits to consider especially since I like to pare words down when possible: L9 to 12, maybe try: "Surrounded by this hectic life, supposedly meaning something!." L15: do you need "ever", to me it flows better without!. S2L5: do you need "hard"!? L6: maybe "I still hear their echoes!." L11: do you need "a" before weakness!? L13: do you need "the"!?
A great poem, just my suggestions, so take them for what they are worth because in the end it is your work! My compliments!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is so soul related to, I find this is my favorite of your poems I have read!. Kudos! for each word!.
Especially, When passion still burned, and caring wasn't a
weakness, And the last line, (amid all this) I am not lonely at all, good twist!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I just came from reading Elaine's poem that you referred!. Yes, one can be lonely among many people!. We can also revel and appreciate our oneness and not be sad!. I like your images throughout the poem!. I felt I was walking on that street with you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You too!? So its not just me then!? i found Elaine's Poem very inspirational!.
I was just about to start writing when I spotted yours!.
Nice Job by the way!. I love the imagery!. Now i have two sources of inspiration!. I better get busy!. Thanks for sharingWww@QuestionHome@Com
Beautiful piece to thank ElaineP with, and we all need to find a way to say thanks to such a wonderful lady and poet for her inspiration to us all!. Bravo to you both!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sure you can!
Being lost in the crowd can be the loneliest feeling of all!.
Great poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Great work Sher! I was there with you on this one!. You transported me onto your street!. Thanks!.!.!.but I feel a bit strange standing there in my pyjamas right now!.!.!.!.6!.30am AU time!.!.!.(hope I don't get arrested)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good my friend!. Both you and Elaine have captured the essence of what we all feel at times!. Loneliness!. Well done!Www@QuestionHome@Com