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Question: Can you look over my poem!?
Journey
The trees whispered with the rush of crisp air
Sloshing noises came from each captive’s step
Then SS soldiers yelled, “We are almost there!”
Men, women and children always wept
The weak start falling to the ground from starvation
People helped the feeble so no blood will be shed
The captives had no idea about their location
Then we saw fire and smoke billowing up ahead
Thousands of people entered the gate
People to the left and people to the right
Looking up ahead and seeing our fate
Friends and strangers held on tight
On the ground were people still as stone
The SS soldiers passed them with no care or moan
The white snow had now turned red
The children now realized that the people were dead
Everyone is silent with no thought in their mind
Only realizing that they had survived
Looking one last time at the camp
They thought to themselves, “Why would any human do that!?”
This has to do with the Holocaust and the story "Night" and what Elie Wiesel had to go through!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i think its really awesome!. very depressing but most of the best poems areWww@QuestionHome@Com
You capture the reality in the poem of what the peopl are feeling and experiencing and you show that strangers are looking after one another!.
I think that it is vary well done!.
Your good poetry is sometimes hard to capture the emotions I think you have done nicely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
good poem we accualy read the book Night in school the other day it took like a week its a good book he should of listened to moishe the beatle and its to bad he got split up from Tzipora and his mother!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
In the 4th line to the end!. i think that it should be" looking at the camp one last time!." Other than that, it makes me very sad, but its a phenomenal poem! Good job!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
totally awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's really unique! the only suggestion is to make it a little shorteer lol!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like this!!
I need to start writing again!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good I would never be able to come up with anything like thisWww@QuestionHome@Com
You wrote that! it is so deep and nice this is to good you need to publish it as long as you did not copy itWww@QuestionHome@Com
i really like it
its deep
thats good
you should submit it to a local newspaper or something like thatWww@QuestionHome@Com
not bad at all!. try to work on your meter a little bit so it reads more smoothelyWww@QuestionHome@Com
my god!.!.!.
thats a really good poem!!
i never thought that i would actually like poems!.!.!.
any way i dont think there is anything wrong with it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't quite understand it sorry!. Some of the sentence structure in the 2nd and 3rd stanzas are a bit hard to follow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like that, its vivid and discriptive, GOOD JOB!Www@QuestionHome@Com
its goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
is sooo wonderfull i luv itWww@QuestionHome@Com
its a really good poem!.!.!. r u sure u didnt copy it from somewhere or someone else!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow thats really good!
my only suggestion would be that its alittle long and the lines are long too
but its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i liked it alot its very goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
use more intense imagery!. make us see and feel their pain!. but its a pretty good cause poem, i'll give you that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow!.!.!.that was very good!.!.!.keep writing poems!:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
amazing poem!.!. i loved it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
u know wat, u can defintely see the meaning throughout the peom!. it is very consistence and i like how there is some rhyme but its not nursery type, which would take out the seriousness of this poem
i could tell its about the halocaust by the end of the second verse!. it is very clear what u want to say and i absolutely love it!.
how old are u!? i learned about Elie Wiesel in the eight grade (and i am still in the eight grade) so that might be one reason i remembered it so quickly
it is a really nice poem!. i like it a lotWww@QuestionHome@Com