Will you critique my latest?

Question: Will you critique my latest!?

My arms
Have never tired
Of lifting your heart
For holding you
Is not a chore
It is a dance
Rhythmic and graceful

Like a perfect C
You have shattered any doubt
Your love transcends description
Your heart delivers
Without postage
The very thing I ordered

Like a scripture
You speak life
Into my lifeWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is an absolute feast for the soul! So many lines are utterly stunning, both in simplicity and the depth of the meaning!.

This is sheer beauty and you should send it to a magazine for publication!. Use the Writer's Guide for Poets to find one that takes unsolicited poetry -- do whatever you have to do to get this published!.

OMG -- It is one of the best in which I've ever immersed my mind and soul!.

Editing comments:
Absolutely gorgeous lines: (lower case for the flow
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.of the sentence!. I love these lines!.
For holding you
is not a chore
it is a dance
rhythmic and graceful

My arms
Have never tired <-- perhaps "have" should be
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. "are"!. Have is the past
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.participle of "be," the rest of the poem,
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.except one line, is present tense
lifting your heart <-- delete the "of" -- the preposition is
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.unnecessary
For holding you
Is not a chore
It is a dance
Rhythmic and graceful

Like a perfect C
You shattered any doubt <--- I'd delete "have" -- same
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.reason as above!.
Your love transcends description
{{and then your descriptions are heavenly}}
<-------- I'd put a break here; the lines above are showing how singing the perfect high "C" -- will shatter the glass!. These next lines are about postal service -- which sounds so mundane in an edit, but is so rich and vibrant in your poem!.

Your heart delivers
Without postage
The very thing I ordered

Like a scripture
You speak life
Into my life
!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

*Claps hysterically* I love it! Especially "your heart delivers without postage the very thing I ordered!." That is brilliant! I seriously want to steal it and say it's my own, but I don't think anyone would believe I could write that well!. And stealing is wrong!. Sorry, I've been blabbing!.!.!.I just love it! Keep up the good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You need a title to this beautiful love poem!. Well penned!. If you want to try a few other interps!. how about: "of rhythmic grace" at the end of stanza 1!? Delete "have" L2S2!. Maybe delete "description" L3S2!. Delete "a" before scripture on L1S3!.

These are only ideas of different ways of saying what you have!. Overall, this is superb!. My compliments!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This one is beautiful, romantic, and lovely! This goes on my favorites list!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Absolutely beautiful!.!.!.bravo, bravoWww@QuestionHome@Com

Bravo! Beautifully written as always! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Lovely as always!
* What does "like a perfect C" mean!?
Sorry if I'm being dense!Www@QuestionHome@Com

lovely romanticWww@QuestionHome@Com

Great, very well put together and Lot's of feeling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a beautiful love poem :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com

that is very good, great job!

please critique mine too its nearby :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Hey Semp,

I generally like your poetry and have somewhat an understanding of your heart, but I have to pick a theological bone with you on this one:

Respectfully, "Your heart delivers/!.!.!./The very thing I ordered" can imply that God gives us what we want when we want it!. This is not so: God gives us what we NEED, and only what we need!.

And, oftentimes, as the great saints on who's backs we stand found out, God gave them exactly what they DID NOT WANT, namely the mantle of leadership of a portion of His Church (see James 3!.1)!. Yet, it was the perfect thing, not the thing that they ordered, but the thing that was perfect for their growing in perfection and into the image of our Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus!.

Many people that became these saints - Moses, Joseph, David, Cyprian of Carthage, Ambrose of Milan, Gregory of Nazianzen (and the other Great Cappadocians), Hildegard of Bingen, and I could go on - did not want the cup given to them but, like their Lord, said, "Yet not my will, but Yours, be done" in some percentage of commitment and response to what the Psalmist says:
"You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me!." (Psalm 139!.5)

Therefore I would respectfully suggest an amendment to your three lines!. Perhaps something like this:
"Your heart delivers
In burning silence
Without excuse
The very discipline I need
Craving unknowingly"

EDIT:
Saw your additional info!.!.!.!. Aaaah!.!.!.!
Great stuff, boss!

Just to explain myself (two reasons why I took your poem to be about the relationship between God annd His Body)!.!.!.:

The dancing metaphor is very much like the dancing with God that the Bride of Christ does, as Bridal Mysticism allegorically exegetes the Song of Solomon, with the Lover=Christ and Beloved=The Church!.

Paul talks (in Ephesians) about the mystery of marriage between a man and a woman as a visible sign of the union that Christ has with His Bride, the Church!.Www@QuestionHome@Com