Position:Home>Poetry> How do i improve on this poem, feedback please?
Question: How do i improve on this poem, feedback please!?
Reflection
I look at you what do I see!?
I see a reflection a reflection of me!
Don’t ever question, Try to understand,
Love is real it’s in your hand!.
“Hello to you my friend” daily I say!
I’ll Walk with you come what may,
Apart of you I take in my heart,
That’s the way we never part!.
Loves never judgemental cares forever,
For what is of love as no need to tether,
So remember me with kindness with love to give,
To have purpose allows us to live,
Love never part’s or says’s a goodbye,
Remember my friend I will never let die,
Love stay’s special has goodness all see,
Again to evolve so lets let it be!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I personally find it really hard to change my poems if someone suggests something, so i wouldn't change the content much, i liked it though!
If you want spelling/grammar fixed:
P1,ln4: need a comma between real and it's
P2 ln3: Do you mean 'A part' instead of 'Apart'!?
P3 ln1: Need an apostrophe (Love's) and comma after judgemental
P4 ln1: Don't need apostrophe in 'parts' or the ('s) on the end of 'says'
P4 ln3: Don't need apostrophe in 'stays', might want a comma after 'special'
P4 ln4: need and apostrophe in 'let's'Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your poem is very pretty, but the apostrophes are used in the wrong words!.
There are two ways to use apostrophes:
To show that you've shortened by omitting letters:
You need one in "Love's never judgemental"!. That is to show that part of a word is omitted!. Instead of love is, it's love's
Use them to show posession: Tom's cat
Exception: words that are commonly used to make a contraction, but also can be possessive, eg: it's time to!.!.!.
versus "this is its collar"!.
Don't use them to add an s to a word or to make a plural:
It should say "Love never parts or says a goodbye"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I agree with everyone else that some punchuation is needed but other then that it is awesome!Www@QuestionHome@Com
if it how u feel about someone there is nothing to change,it is fine as it is
http://orangepoetry!.blogspot!.com/Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its a very nice poem!. Have it published if you can!. klhWww@QuestionHome@Com
The best thing you can do to improve this poem is learn how to punctuate!. The lack of commas (and to a lesser extent, inappropriate use of apostrophes) makes it difficult to understand!.
I think the guy above me said most of the corrections, but I think there's a couple more needed (though I tend to be a bit over zealous on the punctuation front)!.
Stanza one, line two: I think you need a comma after the first reflection!.
Stanza two, line two: comma after you, not sure it's necessary, but it sounds better with a pause!.
Stanza three, line two: needs a question mark after tether!.(Needs a question mark in general really, because it makes absolutely no sense, irregardless of punctuation)!.
Stanza three, line three: think it would flow better with a comma after kindness!.
Anyway, that aside, in the second stanza, "daily I say", the reversed word order sounds clumsy, it just doesn't tend to sound good in modern poetry!. Get rid of one of your "parts", the repetition ruins the rhyme!. Oh yeah, the "that's the way we never part" bit, I think it should be, "that way we (will!?) never part!."
Stanza three, the tether line, as far as I can tell, just doesn't make any sense!. Same with stanza four line two, who won't you let die!? Your friend!? Love!? The subject isn't clear!. The line after is kind of weird too actually, do you mean "all can see!?"
Anyway it's not a bad poem really!. It's bouncy and upbeat!.Www@QuestionHome@Com