An old poem returns from the grave, any advice.?

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Question:

"swans"

At the gates I cry for you,
your beauty and my need!.
Feel your kiss upon my cheek,
I fall down to my knees!.

Abandoned,
cursed and sacrificed!.
Crying in the wind,
rememberence will dwell!.

I the world I live in,
looks for one last time!.
Driven by my pride,
chain me to your bonds!.

Long, lost and forbidden!.
can I see the light!.
Will the swans return,
the last October night

The world keeps on turning,
so do I but without you!.
In the shadows I'm unseen,
I was young and didn't know!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

this reads like it is taken from a fairy tale and makes me feel like i do staring up at the stars at nightWww@QuestionHome@Com

i think its a piece but the ending is a bit abrupt n a few li'l grammar/punctuation corrections!. I didn't get "I the world I live in!.!.!." in stanza 3, line 1
remembrace is spelled wrong "rememberence" is what u wrote
Add more description of ur sorrow etc!. if u hav any q/a cocnerns, contact me via email @ x0x_kEwTiie_x0x@hotmail!.com
However, the final decision is up to the poet so!.!.!.im just tryin to giv advice to the best of ma ability =pWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best lines: "Will the swans return/ The last October night" and "in the shadows I'm unseen/ I was young and didn't know!." Keep writing like that!. As for the rest, reinterment!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very expressive and sad happenings for a youngster!. Probably you meant the word line 4 to be remembrance!. Learning the way you write, I suggest no changes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

10/10Www@QuestionHome@Com

That's really good and so true I love it!Www@QuestionHome@Com