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Question: My totally kewl poem!!?
here's the metaphor poem i had to write in LA class!. i compared my awsome cat tiggy to a killer!.
The cold-blooded killer sits perched on the deck,
Waiting for the bird to least expect!.
From her gray fingers, she draws out her sharp knives,
The cat-claws that have taken dozens of little birdie-lives!.
With an arch of her back, several twists of her tail,
That killer, my cat, through the air she will sails!.
But too late! The bird sees her, and flies!.
To where my killer can't go, up into the skies!.
My little killer is angry with her loss
The bird flies free, my cat sulks in the moss!.
I pick Tiggy up, and carry her inside!.
While her victim, the bird, finds a safe tree to hide!.
tell my what you think of it!. BE HONEST!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'm sorry, but that is sooo cliché!. I know about 4 different people who have done poems like that!. Try counting syllables to make the lines more even!. The best way to do syllables is to only ever vary the number of syllables in each line by 1!.I like the last to lines of the second verse they sound really nice, but try this for better rhythm:
But too late! The birdie sees her, he flies
To where the killer can't go, the skies!.
There are a couple of other places like that, where the syllables need improving, but seriously, not bad!
I'd give 8/10Www@QuestionHome@Com
8/10!. I see before me a budding Poet Laureate!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
you should check your whole syllable thing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
How funny!.!.!. I just love my cats, Nala & Lucifer! I can tell you are into your kitty too! Have a great summer!Www@QuestionHome@Com
really good!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Good one! I like it!.!.your cat would probably tear me to pieces if I met him/her!?Www@QuestionHome@Com