Continuation of poem...?

Question: Continuation of poem!.!.!.!?

The sun shine rapt upon my face
A glittering cloak of golden lace!.
The song of birds shall call me onward
To where the soul lies unobscured!.
Then I shall mount the spire and
Begin to climb to peaceful lands
Where love alone holds sorrow still
And passion binds you true to will!.
But courage and hope shall never let me fail!.

That`s it!. Please tell me what you think!. What can be improved!? What could be changed!? EVERYTHING! I need this by tomorrow!

Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It's a really good poem!. I don't know that you want to give it to the widow at the funeral as she will already be overwhelmed by people and feelings!. Maybe take some time with it and give it to her later!. The ending is shaky, especially the last line!. Since it's good, I can't really tell you what to make better, but I think you need to keep it and mull over it for a while so you can really get across what you're trying to say!. But I like the first person!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it is OK to give to her!. I think you can end with "And passion binds you true to will!." The last line doesn't fit some how!. If you decide to give it to her later, I had advised another poet to tape herself reading the poem, then she would hear what flowed and what didn't!. There should be a flow that makes it easier for the reader to follow!. I think you have talent and I think she will appreciate anything you have written from the heart!. Even if she doesn't really read it right away, she will have it later and know that you put in the effort to honor her loved one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com