Position:Home>Poetry> Here is a poem please comment----im 13 n' need some feedback?
Question: Here is a poem please comment----im 13 n' need some feedback!?
5th one!.!.!.!.!.im 13 thanks
Summer
summer is coming
summer is close
summer is here
and there summer goes
summer so laid back
summer fun
i hope it lasts forever
because i will not be done
summer so happy
so filled with glee
the pool, the beach
the heat, the breeze
summer, a time for
work and play
but i guess
it has to go away someday
summer is for
laughs and smiles
the 2 month couples
and car radio dials
summer a time for
iced lemonade
for 2 buck car washes
and a movie replayed
summer is coming
summer is close
summer is here
and there summer goesWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Honest!? I'll give you my honest opinion because we can only grow if people try to help us and that's what I plan to do for you!.
It looks like you're trying to have an ABCB pattern, but some of the sanzas don't work for that pattern, the first, third and fourth don't work (Bs don't rhyme) and a few other just sound odd!. I think you could reword some of that!.
also some of it has not much to do with the other!.!.!. ex!. 6th stanza, doesn't have much to do with each other!. Try to avoid having things just for the sake of rhymes etc!.
2nd stanza, last line doesn't really make sense!. The I will not be done, it doesn't really flow nicely and depending on who is reading it, some may have no clue how that possibly works together!. I understand where you go that, just I don't think it's the best line for there!.
4th stanza, last line!. Doesn't really flow, you have shorter parts then something really long, doesn't flow at all!.
One good thing I can say is having it start and end with the same thing is a good thing you can do!. A lot of poems start and end with the same thing!. In this case it can work!.
Just say your poem out loud, the words should flow easily from your mouth!. The other big thing is don't rhyme somethin just because they rhyme!.
For a 13 year old I have to say it's pretty good, but you did ask our opinions and I gave mine, and I've tried to give you some help!. I can say you must have tried pretty hard for this poem and don't give up on writing poems, you just need lots of practice :)
Best of Luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I know, but, maybe, its great, i love it, just a suggestion, and since i have been writing poetry and just had two of my poems published in illusioned versions, not that that matters, but, just saying, that I am a accomplished, ( if that is what you wan to call it, remember, i am only twelve) poet, i would change i hope it lasts forever
because i will not be done to i hope it lasts forever
because i am not done!. just a suggestion though!. anyways, I love it! out of ten, you get a 10 from me!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's quite nice and great work for 13 I wouldnt change it because its your work and original!.!.!.!.!.Keep up the great writing, good writing skills are needed no matter what you decide to do in life!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
good poem now help me
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am quite the Poet myself,and so are you! Great job,Child! You can be proud! A++ for your Poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com