An old poem I am resurrecting. Any suggestions on where I should head with this.

Position:Home>Poetry> An old poem I am resurrecting. Any suggestions on where I should head with this.

Question:

"destiny"

Behold the sight of my very own death,
air heavy with chill, I see my own breath!.
Too proud of his art, the carpenter wins,
his damned creation, a reward for my sins!.

Sunrise I greet, your warmth and your light,
so warm and so tender was never the night!.
Through tears I see you, the last time we'll be,
give me your blessing, this is my destiny!.

A sinner, a fool, or another poor soul,
might be a victim, but knows his own role!.
A victim of life, now I'll burn in hell's fire,
no angels, no heaven, no angelic choir!.

Please stand with me, right by my side,
although the distance is miles wide!.
Just cover my bed with all of your tears,
and I will take care of all of the fears!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Go 2 a therapist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.!.!. Get some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

After several readings, I said, "I see! I see!" I like the first, second, fourth verse, so poetic!. It is good writing!. Of course, you know my thoughts about the third verse, but it's very expressive!. I like the poem very much like it is!. All is good, the rhyme, rhythm, and exemplified contents of desperation!. (No one but you could have come up with that third line)!. Excellent!. Don't change it!. I call it finished!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, it sounds like it is complete, a few of the rhymes are a tad off, but fixable, It has a good lead in an a strong finish, so if you tweak the little bits here and there it will be a good one!. Ignore the bad vibes!. This can be cleaned up nicely!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Tragic story - but a very brave soul!.Www@QuestionHome@Com