10 pts....critique my poem?

Question: 10 pts!.!.!.!.critique my poem!?

A Few Simple Lines

My thoughts shivered
Though I still smiled
When I think of her
Ignoring my pride!.

Yesterday, she looked
Not recalling what for
But she couldn't find
When I was so sure!.

Stubbornly I said
I've always adored her
But she was afraid
Still of being hurt!.

Today, I should know
To hide these thoughts
Hoping it doesn't show
Finding what I've lost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It needs to be continued! From what I understand, This guy is afraid to hurt the girl he loved, so his solution was to hide his feelings!.!.!. Put up more paragraphs on how he can express himself to her! *nod* *nod*

Ganbatte!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i don't think it's bad, i just think it's short!. to me, a poem is a story!. if the story ends in the middle, nobody will know what happens in the end!. (duh!.) like, if Cinderella's story ended when she was running down the steps of the castle, and she lost her glass slipper!.!.!.what would ppl think!. 'oh, well, obviously she fell to her certain death at the bottom of the steps!.!.!.' i think if you continue this poem a little bit longer, then it would feel more complete!. it kind of just stops in the wrong place to me!. i wanted to keep reading, find out what happened!. so anyways, finish the story!.!.!.give Cinderella her happily ever after!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

not so bad just try with the first and second paragraph rhyme a bit more but second paragraph was fantastic it rhmed and you felt the poem{a!.k!.a it made you feel emotional] !. But keep up the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com

i was a nice poem!. you shold continue it on!. it would be even more nicer (is that a way to put it!?!?!? lol)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It portrays the intense feeling upto to a certain limits,,,, you need depth, read a lot for that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It seemed really jumpy and uncoordinated to me!. The idea isn't a bad one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

When you write something ,you need to suggest that thing,not to show it!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

no, it very good!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com